The Ultimate Evil

A Child Abuse Awareness Blog

Confronting A Careless Mom With A Terrifying “What If” Scenario

Back in 2008, I posted an article about the dangers of family decals on vehicles. This is the link: The Dark Side of Those Cute Family Decals.

A few months ago, a Bikers Against Child Abuse posted the following personal account:

“I couldn’t help myself today. I saw a minivan parked here at the hospital with those stickers in the back window of each family member and their names. The lady exiting the vehicle was in her late 30’s, well dressed and rather attractive. While she was still at the vehicle I walked up and struck up a conversation with her using her name and also her husbands. I fabricated a story of how we had met before and convinced her of that by talking about one of the local night spots where we hung out. She assured me that she remembered and began talking about how much fun it was. I then asked about her kids to which she told me a story about her daughters birthday party and invited me attend. At that point I had to stop her, hand her a BACA Trifold and a window sticker and explain to her that her stickers were putting her and her children at risk. She tried to defend family pride until I asked her when that birthday party was again. She thanked me and walked into the hospital. I just looked out the window at the van and it is still there but the stickers are not. There is a new BACA sticker in her rear window where it use to be.”

I am honored to know BACA Opie and so many like him who aren’t afraid to speak up for children they have never even met!

February 26, 2012 - Posted by | B.A.C.A., Child Advocates, Dangerous Trends

11 Comments »

  1. How can I reach you? I need your opinion about something serious as soon as possible.

    Amy

    Comment by Amy | March 7, 2012 | Reply

    • Hi, Amy! You can leave another comment and ask me not to publish it if you wish it to be private. I can reply without revealing any personal information. If it is something I think others should learn, I would ask your permission to use your message before ever doing so. Otherwise, it would remain between us. I make it a rule to not send e-mails because of spam, viruses, and untrustworthy people. If you have a personal page on Facebook, you could even leave me your account link. So please feel free to leave a private comment and we’ll take it from there.

      Comment by TUECAA | March 8, 2012 | Reply

      • Its just that I think my friend might be being abused but I don’t know. I don’t care if you publish anything. I don’t know if it’s okay to ask you about stuff here. Is here okay or is there some place I send questions to?

        Comment by Amy | March 9, 2012 | Reply

        • Here is okay. 🙂 I’m going to remove your last name from your first comment, though, so it’s not as obvious who this is about if anyone you know sees this. I appreciate your permission to publish your concerns because it really does help others who may be in the same situation. I’ll be here working on a new post for today, so I’ll be able to approve and respond as soon as you’re ready.

          Comment by TUECAA | March 9, 2012 | Reply

          • Thanks! I’m @ school and I don’t have time or privacy. I can come back later. Thank you so much! I’m already feeling so much better!!!!

            Comment by Amy | March 9, 2012 | Reply

            • You’re very welcome, Amy! I receive notifications when I get comments to approve, so even if I’m offline by the time you return, I’ll be able to see your comment from my phone. Don’t be concerned if I don’t approve or answer right away. I like to think about what needs to be said or may need time gathering information before replying. I will definitely get it, though. 🙂

              Comment by TUECAA | March 9, 2012 | Reply

              • I forgot about my brother’s birthday party last night and we didn’t get back until real late. I hope you didn’t wait for me to leave a comment. I’m really sorry if you did!

                Ok so I have this friend and really, she’s a real friend. It’s not me. I have this friend who has been acting kind of strange at school. We grew up together then her family moved our of our neighborhood. We still go to the same school though. We go to a Catholic parochial school and so she didn’t have to change schools. She was gone for the whole summer last year after they moved because they had some family things to work out and she and her mom went to Colorado to stay with her grandparents for a while. She didn’t know if they were moving there or coming back for school, but at the end of summer, her mom called our school and registered her at like the last minute. Ever since she has been back she’s been acting really weird. They moved back in with her dad so I guess her parents aren’t getting divorced like she thought.

                All summer long we would talk and she would tell me things about her family. Maybe she felt safer to talk about it since she was in Colorado. I don’t know because she had never told me any of this creepy stuff before. I always liked her dad and her mom and their whole family always looked so perfect. I fight a lot with my older brother and he gets me into trouble just to do it sometimes I think. I would wish sometimes that I could be in her family because they all got a long so good. I get along with mine but you know how teenagers are sometimes. Every body elses moms and dads are better when we don’t get our way. Oh I’m 16 btw. I’ll be 17 in May. Ok so anyway I guess her family has a lot a LOT of problems that she never told me about and I guess they are reeeeeeeallly good at hiding it. I slept at her house a lot for slumber parties when we were kids and she slept at mine, and we’ve slept at each others houses when we worked on projects really late for school. I mean we are really close. I don’t know why she didn’t tell me any of this before. and now I think she is being hurt really bad.

                She isn’t the same person who left last summer. She’s like this whole new person. She’s like Bella in Twilight. Mopey all the time and sad and always folding her arms like she is afraid of everybody. She always wears dark clothes but before she left she always had on bright stuff like neon, pastel, sparkley and stuff like that. I know she’s not into drugs. We’re still friends and we still hang out all the time. She just really seems like she’s scared of the world now. She wants to stay at my house all the time now, too. She’s been getting detention too, and when I asked her why she does things that get her into trouble, she said that when she has detention, she doesn’t have to go home. She NEVER NEVER NEVER ever got into trouble before last summer!!!! OMG SHe was like an honor student and didn’t even miss a day of school!!

                I don’t know what to do. My mom found your site a long time ago when you had something about teenager safety online. We read it together and we read a lot of other stuff on your site together. She is the one who said I should write to you. My dad works in narcotics. He’s a detective and my uncle is in a tactical unit in Florida. My friend’s uncle is a police officer with the anti-gang task force in Colorado. I know it probably sounds crazy to you for writing to you instead of talking to all these cops I have around me but it’s not that easy. Everybody always thinks its soooo easy for kids who have police dads or police in the family, like we’re so safe and nobody messes with us. That’s not true. Sometimes people mess with us more and just because we have cops in our family doesn’t mean it’s easy to talk to them about everything. I’m scared to say anything to her uncle because I don’t know whose hurting her. I talked to my dad but there’s no proof and she comes over all the time and looks okay. He asks her if she’s okay and she says yes or just nods her head and hurries up to my room. My dad says she looks like when a good kid gets into drugs all of a sudden but he doesn’t think that’s it either.

                My mom tries to be friends with her mom so she can find out how things are but her mom won’t return her calls. They never really talked a lot before because they’re so different. My mom isn’t stuck up or anything but she does a lot of girly stuff that my friend’s mom doesn’t like to do. Like my mom gets manicures and gets her hair done but her mom doesn’t believe in all of that. They don’t have a lot in common so my mom says that’s probably why her mom doesn’t like to come over and hang out or anything. My parents have met her parents at birthday parties and picnics in the neighborhood like at those neighborhood parties when you’re supposed to get to know your neighbors? They look like they like each other and I guess they do since my friend and I have always been able to hang out. Only they don’t talk too much.

                I guess you think it’s really weird for me to write to you when I can talk to so many people around me, but I don’t know what else to do because they don’t know what to do either. My mom said talking to you might help and maybe you can think of something we haven’t thought of. I really hope you can. Oh and my mom says you can write to her on Facebook but I can’t write to anyone I don’t know on Facebook. Do you want her Facebook page? Thank you for reading all of this. I’m sorry it’s so long and I probably could have gotten to the point a long time ago. My parents say I ramble a lot when I get nervous and upset.

                Comment by Amy | March 10, 2012 | Reply

                • Hi, Amy! Don’t worry at all about waiting until this morning! Life happens :).

                  Your post is a lot to take in. There are so many facets. Let me take a bit to think about it and to write a proper response so I can be sure to cover what needs to be covered. I’ll have a comment for you tonight, though.

                  Please tell your mom, “Thank you!” for not only taking interest in those posts but for reading them with you, as well. She sounds like she’s got a great handle on being a great parent! Also, I don’t mind getting in touch with her if that’s what she wants or if it’s what you want. Just leave her link in a comment that I will not publish.

                  I’ll be back soon!

                  Comment by TUECAA | March 10, 2012 | Reply

                • Hi, again, Amy!

                  I have some things I want to address about your concerns, but the first thing I would like to know is: Did your friend behave this way at all before she and her mom left for Colorado, or did this change happen after she returned? I’m wondering if something happened in Colorado. Is that a possibility? Let’s start from there, okay? 🙂

                  Comment by TUECAA | March 10, 2012 | Reply

  2. I asked my parents about if they think it’s what you said and we started making a list of things she is doing that’s different from before summer vacation. I forgot the list at home though. I am at school right now. I’ll show you the list when I get home but basically most stuff changed after she got back like you thought. There are still some things that started changing before she left though. She was getting more defensive and always thought people were talking about her before she left. It’s like she was paranoid. She wasn’t as bad as she is now though. I don’t know if somebody is hitting her or what. I don’t see bruises but like my mom and dad said, people who hit know how to do it so it doesn’t show. I know your site is about kids who get molested so I hope you’re okay with me asking for help if it’s just being hit. I don’t mean just being hit like its not bad. You know what I mean. Class is starting. I’ll be back later. My mom said she might write to.

    Comment by Amy | March 12, 2012 | Reply

    • ***Didn’t want anyone passing by to think I abandoned Amy. We have been having a conversation through other means, thanks to her mom and dad contacting me.

      I want to thank Amy for speaking up about this to everyone she has. I want to, also, thank her parents for being so supportive of Amy and for helping her help her friend. I want to thank them for contacting me, too, and for their confidence in me as a confident for Amy.

      I need to clearly state that I am not a law enforcement officer and I have no badge, degree, or hold any legal weight in the judiciary system or psychiatric institution. I have experience and I am a great listener. I have contacts and I know where to go to get most things done. It is in this capacity that I have worked to help Amy with this situation, and I am happy to report answers have finally begun to emerge and her friend will be getting help! I have permission from Amy and her parents to post about the incident (withholding names, of course, and any specific details) to help others in this situation. I will do so as soon as a few more pieces of the puzzle are filled in so the post can have some sort of closure.

      And as always, I am here if anyone needs to talk. I can keep any comment private by request. There may be times when more personal contact can be arranged (via social networking/e-mail/private blogs) after being assessed on each individual case. Nothing of such a personal nature will ever be posted on my site unless permitted. Consider this a safe haven.

      Thank you to all who have, still do, and will hold me in their confidence.

      Comment by TUECAA | March 17, 2012 | Reply


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