The Ultimate Evil

A Child Abuse Awareness Blog

Turning Domestic Violence Into A Heartless Anti-Abortion Platform.. Really.

I am incredibly livid right now. It’s been a few hours since I read the reason for this post, and I’ve calmed down quite a bit. I am still very angry and hurt for any woman in an abusive marriage who should come across what I read on Facebook this morning.

I will share it here but I must warn you that if you are a woman living in a domestic violence situation, or if you have been in a domestic violence situation and you’ve been faced with the dilemma of pregnancy, the following quote may hurt you or act as a trigger. I want you to know that below the quote, I answer with my own version.

If anyone has been in this situation and feels the need to express her feelings, please feel free to do so. If you don’t wish your comment published, simply say so in your comment. Comments must be approved because I have many readers who need to talk from time to time or need help but wish not to have their words published. Therefore, feel free to share what you wish and add that you’d like it to remain unpublished. There is, also, the option of not posting your real name if you’d like it published but don’t wish to reveal your true identity. I only expose child abusers and report suspicious people to my LE contacts. Victims of abuse are ALWAYS safe.

Status message discovered on a Pro-Life christian’s page this morning:

”  Hi, Mommy.I’m your baby. You don’t know me yet, I’m only a few weeks old. You’re going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I’ve got beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don’t have it yet, but I will when I’m born. I’m going to be your only child, and you’ll call me your one and only. I’m going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we have each other. We’ll help each other, and love each other. I want to be a doctor when I grow up.You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn’t wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I know it already.Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about me! …He wasn’t happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don’t think that you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don’t think I understand yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay… but I was very sad for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That’s a sound I don’t like. It doesn’t make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after, and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I’m not sure if I do. It wasn’t right. You say he loves you… why would he hurt you? I don’t like it, Mommy.Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and you’re so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes, and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I’m happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart.I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love you, Mommy.Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting funny and he wasn’t talking right. He said he didn’t want you. I don’t know why, but that’s what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry, Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won’t let you get hurt! I promise to protect you. Daddy is bad. I don’t care if you think that he is a good person, I think he’s bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn’t want us. He doesn’t like me. Why doesn’t he like me, Mommy?You didn’t talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay?It’s been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven’t talked to me or touched me or anything since that. Don’t you still love me, Mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don’t you do that when you’re awake, any more?I’m 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren’t you proud of me? We’re going somewhere today, and it’s somewhere new. I’m excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell you that? I hope you’re as excited as I am. I can’t wait.Mommy, I’m getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don’t know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think something’s going to happen soon. I’m really, really, really scared, Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you!Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!Don’t worry Mommy, I’m safe. I’m in heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, and they said it’s called an abortion.Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don’t you love me any more? Why did you get rid of me? I’m really, really, really sorry if I did something wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why don’t you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didn’t I love you enough? Please say you’ll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don’t want to be here, I want you to love me again! I’m really really really sorry if I did something wrong. I love you!I love you, Mommy.Every abortion is just…One more heart that was stopped.Two more eyes that will never see.Two more hands that will never touch.Two more legs that will never run.One more mouth that will never speak.Stop Abortion.POST THIS IF YOU ACTUALLY CARE “

 

This was my comment to the person who posted this, and it applies to anyone who posts it or believes in it:

You are one sick son of a bitch and anyone who posts this is just like you! Try being in this position and find out what it’s like to HAVE TO MAKE THIS CHOICE TO SAVE A CHILD FROM BEING RAPED AND BEATEN FOR ITS ENTIRE LIFE! Fuck you and anyone who thinks like you! How dare you post something this VILE and CRUEL! You don’t know who is reading this! You could cause a VERY GOOD WOMAN to kill herself, then YOU would be a murderer, you sick fucking bastard! 

I have known women in this position. Volunteer for ONE DAY at an abused women’s shelter and see what kind of woman you’re judging!

I would like to know just how many abused women the author or those who spread this disgusting message have ever rescued. These people sit there behind a computer screen and judge what an abused woman does to protect the child she LOVES, but they do nothing to help her escape.

Have they picked up a phone and called the police? Have they reported the abuse to anyone? Have they stepped in to stop him as he raised his hand? Have they taken the time to find out why she has not left, and then tried to help her come up with solutions or help her get therapy to undue the brainwashing keeping her a prisoner? More than likely not. People like this sit back and copy/paste these judgmental, holier-than-thou posts as if they are doing “God’s work” but don’t actually do anything. And they firmly believe it’s their good deed for the day.

To those who are reading this and hurting, understand that the kind of person who would write or share such a thing is not worthy of being taken seriously. They are nothing. They are abusive and controlling and seek to use your pain to force you to follow their agenda. They are just like the person abusing you and have no right to your tears and your pain. Don’t give it to them! Their words and thoughts and feelings are worthless, and I promise you, everyone knows it!

As a dedication to the women I know to have lived in DV situations and to those I personally have known to have been faced with this tragic choice, I have written my own “Dear Mommy” letter. In writing this, I have implemented very real cases of DV I have seen, some I’ve read about, others I’ve known through speaking with victims, and some experiences I’ve known within my own family.

 

Dear Mommy,

I’m writing to you from Heaven because God and I want you to know that I’m okay. We worry about you all the time.

Yes, Mommy, I know why you did what you did. I remember things. Please don’t cry. It’s okay. There is nothing to forgive because you saved my life.

I remember how you felt when you learned of me. You cried so hard because you were so scared, so sad. You wanted to be happy and you should have had the opportunity to be happy, but my dad didn’t let you treasure the miracle growing inside of you. I remember hearing your prayers late at night and in the shower when you tried so hard not to let him hear you. If he did, he would hurt you again.

You always wanted lots of kids, ever since you were a little girl. God let me see you when you were a child and would dress up your cat in dresses and bonnets. Please don’t be mad at God for showing me such silly things. He loves you and He misses the happy person you used to be. He wanted me to see you as you were before my dad came into your life. I would have loved to have known you then, Mommy, but people make mistakes. Sometimes people can’t change those mistakes. Sometimes very bad people make sure good people can never change their mistake. My dad was one of those very bad people.

I remember you crying when you told your sister. She begged you to leave my dad. You told her you couldn’t. You had no money, no place to go, and he promised that if you ever left, he would kill you. Your sister told you to think of me and your daughter and promised you would be safe with her. You knew she was wrong, though. My dad was too strong and he had a lot of friends, some of them wore fancy suits and others wore uniforms and they would help him find you. Maybe he was lying but how could you know? He was so good at hurting you and convincing you that he was everywhere watching.

I remember the day you finally had the courage to ask for help. God remembers, too. He was with you that day. You had prayed for so long to have the courage to leave daddy, and finally, God was able to answer your prayers.

He was so proud of you, Mommy, as you stood there before the priest telling him everything. This was the first time you had ever told anyone everything daddy had done to you and my big sister. He was so proud but then He says His heart felt so much pain.

Instead of giving you help, Mommy, the man who was supposed to do God’s work told you that you should be a better wife. He told you divorce was a sin and that you had to work hard at a good marriage. Then, he called daddy. You begged him not to but he did, anyway. He said he would send you and daddy to a councillor to talk about your problems so you could save your marriage and go to heaven.

God didn’t like it when he told you that you would go to hell if you left daddy. Mommy, God would never do such a thing and it hurt Him that someone would say that about Him. It always hurts God when people lie about Him to make others do as they say.

When you told the priest that daddy would beat you and he would do really bad things to my sister to make you regret asking for help, he called you a liar. He said you were lying so you could get out of a marriage you didn’t want to be in. Then, he accused you of trying to hide adultery, saying that I wasn’t really your husband’s baby and you were trying to get out of your marriage before he found out.

I was so sad, Mommy. I wanted to scream at that man that my m0mmy was not a liar! My mommy protected my sister the best she could and took beatings all night long just to keep daddy from thinking of my sister. My mommy cradled me through her belly all the time telling me how much she loved me and always saying she was sorry for what my daddy was going to do to me when I was born. I wanted to say all of those things but God said it wouldn’t have mattered. Humans think they know everything about what He wants but that they don’t really love each other as He asked them to so long ago.

Mommy, I remember daddy hitting you so many times in the belly, hoping you would lose me. I remember he would bring you flowers and cry, saying he was sorry and he couldn’t wait for me to be born. He always did it again, though.

And mommy? You were right. It hurt so much. I felt it all the time and it hurt. I know it didn’t hurt me as much as it hurt you, and that made me cry. He even broke your arm once when you held it in front of me to protect me from his fist. He didn’t want you doing that.

I asked God why you lied when you went to the hospital. You could have asked for help. But then God showed me the waiting room where Daddy was and I knew. Daddy was already planning what to say if you told the doctor the truth. He had friends ready to lie and say you made up stories all the time and that you were the one hurting him. He had so many stories ready, Mommy, that they would have sent you home with him and he would have hurt you so much worse. I remember the gun he threatened you with so many times, and I knew why you lied for him. It’s okay, Mommy. You had no other choice. You had to stay alive for my sister.

I remember one day when you were sitting on your bed. You had a bottle of pills. Your hands were shaking and you were rocking back and forth. So many thoughts were going through your head. You wanted to die because you felt like it was your only way out, your only way to stop the suffering. I wanted to hug you but I couldn’t, so I tumbled a little inside so you would feel me and know I was there loving you. Your hands dropped the bottle and went instinctively to feel me. I was still so very small but you are my mother. You felt everything. Then, you thought of my sister. You knew that if you killed yourself, she would be all alone with daddy every day and every night. I wonder why no one ever helped my sister when they saw the bruises on her, or why no one wanted to know what happened when she screamed every time a man came near or accidentally touched her when he walked passed.

You did what you thought was best, Mommy. It was the hardest thing you have ever done, and it hurt so much that you couldn’t have another child. It hurt even more that you were about to make me go away.

Please don’t cry, Mommy. I know you did the only thing you could to protect me. You didn’t know it but Daddy hurt me a lot when he punched and kicked you all those times, when he burned you and broke your arm, when he starved you and then forced you to eat things he thought would kill me or you or us both, when he slammed your head into the wall and when he raped you repeatedly, even when he made you bleed so bad you thought you were having a miscarriage.

You saved my life, Mommy. I wish you could have left him and saved us all together, but you tried and no one could help you. Some didn’t even try. Not the priest, not the people who came to the door with a bible and saw the broken furniture and your bleeding lip, not the lady on the bus who saw your bruises, not the man at the Post Office who saw daddy pull you around the corner outside and slap you for speaking when he said not to, not even the nurse at the doctor’s office who saw your bruises during your check up and believed your story about babysitting a violent kid.

When you were walking into the clinic where they would take me from you, there were people outside saying so many cruel things to you. Mommy, it made me cry to hear the names they were calling you. Mommy, it made God cry hearing them call you bad names and saying you were going to hell for murdering me.

Why didn’t they ask you why? Why didn’t even one of them talk nicely to you and ask if you needed help? Why weren’t these people yelling at daddy for hurting you and for doing the bad things he was doing to my sister? They accused you of being a whore, said you were murdering an innocent baby, told you that you didn’t have the right because I was not yours. I don’t understand, Mommy. You loved me so much and would never, never hurt me. What you were doing was going to make daddy hurt you more than anyone could imagine, but you were willing to suffer for the rest of your life as long as you could get me back into God’s safe embrace.

I saw you fall to the floor and cry when you were alone after they took me. You cried so hard and a nurse heard you. She sat with you and talked with you. You were in so much pain, your heart hurt so much and you were so scared that you told her everything. She had you wait and then came back a little while later with a police officer.He wrote down everything you told him, although you were so afraid Daddy would find out. You told him whose Daddy’s friends were and he told you it was okay, that you were safe. He had someone pick my sister up from school and they brought you both some place safe.

You asked God to forgive you because you thought you had just killed me instead of saved me.  I wish we could have escaped together, but I know you did the only thing my dad made you feel you could. Your sacrifice saved my life, Mommy, and I love you so much.

Today, Daddy found you. He knew so many bad people and he found you and my sister. God doesn’t want me to watch. He’s holding me. I’m so worried about you, Mommy, but God says that soon you will be with me. He will make sure you and Sister don’t suffer. You will be with me soon, Mommy, and you will never suffer again.

Don’t worry about those people who see Daddy grabbing you and making you and my sister cry. It’s okay that they are walking right by you while Daddy is yelling cruel things to you. God says they will know how you feel. He has a friend named Karma. She is very nice, Mommy, and she says one of her favorite things to do is make mean people know what it feels like to be hurt and alone with no one there to help.

You’re going for a walk in the woods with Daddy now. It will soon be over and we will be a family again. God said it’s time for you and my sister to come home and be with us. It’s good that you stayed strong for Sister. You selflessly protected me, too. Now you’ll find peace.

Don’t worry about daddy. God made sure there are very smart people in the world who can find bad people like daddy. God will make sure daddy is punished for what he has done, and He will punish all those who let you be hurt and did nothing to help you and my sister but judged you, instead.

I love you, Mommy. No matter what anyone says, God and I will always love you.

 

———–

**Victims: If you are a victim of Domestic Violence, please look for a way out. There are more ways than there was 30, 20, and even 10 years ago. People now understand the risks of a DV victim asking for help, and there are now networks working underground and teaching victims ways of escaping, even if they have children with them. You don’t have to do this alone. You don’t have to be faced with such tragic, selfless choices. DV never ends in happiness as long as you stay. There are resources all around you, and most of these can even offer ways of keeping your abuser from ever knowing you’ve been looking for help. If you are fleeing with a child, you can contact any organization that helps abused children. THEY WILL HELP YOU, TOO!

Some you can consider:

http://womenslaw.org/

http://safehorizon.com/

http://bacaworld.org/

Contacting members of any of these organizations will provide you with someone to talk to and contact information for help in your area, including free or inexpensive legal aide.

 

**For everyone else: If a DV victim ever comes to you for help, understand that the decision to speak up was NOT made lightly! Speaking up is very dangerous and they have been made to feel as though their abuser has friends everywhere always watching and ready to report on their every move.

If someone comes to you for help, THEY ARE TRUSTING YOU. They have assessed your relationship with them, have weighed the options, and have chosen you because you were more trustworthy than anyone else they know and THEY FEEL SAFE WITH YOU. If you turn them away or ignore them or make them feel their abuse is their fault, you could destroy that trust to the point they never seek help again. Any abuse they and/or their children suffer from that point forward is on your head.

If you cannot help them, be honest as to your limited ability to do so and at least do what you can to point them in a better direction. You can let them use your phone because theirs is probably being monitored by their abuser in some form or fashion. You can let them use your computer to log onto the internet because they abuser may have keylogger software that records their every move on their computer. You can even just be someone to talk to, which will help them build the courage and self-esteem they need to break free of their abuser’s mental prison.

If you do agree to help them, understand that it is a one way street. You can’t quit just because it is no longer a convenience for you. If you are being burdened financially, emotionally, or pressure within your own life or home, look for someone who can take over for you. Don’t just abandon this person while they are trying to stay strong and keep on the path of freedom. You could undo everything they’ve gotten the courage to do and all the help you gave would become a waste of time and energy.

 

September 26, 2011 - Posted by | Uncategorized

9 Comments »

  1. I was a therapist for abused and battered women for a number of years. I worked out of a shelter for these women and their children. Time after time after time, I watched as women who had come SO far were pulled back into their old lives. Most of the time, they were pulled back by outside interference. Their sisters, best girlfriends, mothers would constantly whisper in their ears that maybe he wasn’t so bad? Maybe if she really tried harder to be a good wife, he would stop? Why do you do the very things that you know are going to set him off? Then their children would cry for their daddy at night and all the little naggings of their fellow women would come back to haunt them until one day, they would give the husband a call. Just to check on him. After all, he is the father of their children, right? He has a right to see his kids, right?

    One night, I received a call from the police. One of my ladies who had struggled and worked SO hard to get her own place for her and her 4 children; had managed to get a job and for whom life was really looking up, had been visited by her mother that day. Her mother had chastised her for not allowing the “daddy” to come see his kids, for embarrassing her in front of her church and neighbors by making such a “fuss” about the whole situation with her husband.

    After her mother left, she began to feel guilt and to think “maybe?”. She gave the husband a call and made the mistake of giving him her address so he could see his kids. Within 2 hours, she and her 4 children were dead. She had been strangled, he locked the kids up in a windowless bathroom and then set the house on fire thus sentencing his children to die a slow and horrible death.

    I watched those children being pulled from that house and put into the coroners van. I could never get over this so I left that career and moved into the legal field.

    We as women must stand up for one another. We must NEVER choose an abusive husband over an abused wife. Why would anyone try to talk a woman into going back to a man like that? How brainwashed and evil does a person have to be in order to condone and even encourage such a thing? I adore my son in law. If he ever hit her would I nag my daughter to “give him another chance”? No. If that happened, my face would be the very last thing he ever saw on this earth!

    Comment by Carol | September 26, 2011 | Reply

    • Thank you, Carol. Thank you so much for sharing this.

      Comment by TUECAA | September 26, 2011 | Reply

  2. I was a Child protection Officer and this pro-christian article written by a piece of bottom-dwelling pond scum has got me shaking with anger – and I mean, literally shaking. I, I…I dont know how to describe just how appalled and shocked and furious I am…
    Thankyou from the bottom of my heart and the hearts of all of us who have worked in child abuse professions for such a succint response.
    With loving-kindness and absolute admiration,
    Fiona

    Comment by Fiona McLintock | September 26, 2011 | Reply

    • Thank you so much, Fiona! I am honored! I read that crap just before 7AM. It’s 6PM and I’m still shaking. I can’t even read it again but from what I remember, it sounds just like an abusive man wrote it as a way to manipulate abused wives into not fighting against the one thing that will keep a victim attached to her abuser forever. I haven’t heard back from the person who WAS on my friends list that posted it. When I did read it, I took note that he had 4 others from his list who “liked” it. That’s at least 4 people who will spread that venomous trash and then no telling who after that. I keep thinking of the women on the brink of suicide because of DV or because of making this choice. There is no doubt in my mind something like this will send at least one to finally do it.

      I really appreciate you and Carol sharing your experiences and feelings. It means a lot to me and so much more to any woman in need who comes across this. Thank you so much!

      Comment by TUECAA | September 26, 2011 | Reply

  3. Hi,
    I have posted the article on my FB with a comment from myself and an excerpt from your comments above and also on 2 very strong FB pages called “Invisible Scars – Verbal Emotional Abuse” and “Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Central”. I have emailed it to friends as well.
    The response has been amazing. I have also bookmarked AND printed this entire article for future reference (and when I feel the need to go all ‘stabby stabby’ on misogynist MALE-organised religion!).
    I have just shown my 81yr-old mother this entire post. She is still a feminist (and even my late father was a male feminist!) and she is beside herself with anger.
    I marched in NZ in 1971 for equal pay and, my Higher Power willing, I will NEVER stop fighting for womens rights until my last earthly breath. If I’m lucky, I will be re-born with the same beliefs and continue the fight where I left off!
    If you are interested, my FB page is Fiona McLintock (Fifi La Bon)…

    Comment by Fiona McLintock | September 27, 2011 | Reply

    • Thank you so much for your support, Fiona! I’m very interested in your group pages and will be looking for them. I sent you a message via FB yesterday. Check Other if it isn’t in your regular inbox.

      Comment by TUECAA | September 27, 2011 | Reply

  4. Hi, Carol (re: your comment you wished not published)!

    Nor am I a feminist but I don’t feel Fiona was indicating using this posting as part of a feminist movement. She was, also, referring to my comments to the jerk I spoke of in my article, not those posted by others on this article.

    This entire site is strictly about the awareness and prevention of child abuse, with child sexual abuse (CSA) taking priority. My posting of this article was because I have argued quite a bit in the defense of women who do what they have to do to protect their children, living or unborn, whatever means necessary.

    The person who posted the status that I copied here was someone who knew my position and I am VERY confident he posted this on purpose aimed at my argument in defense of women who make this heartbreaking choice. That is the #1 reason I posted this.

    The second reason was because I have abused women reading my blog who have been on the run with their children or who have made such choices for the sake of their children. I am very concerned this person’s message will become a viral status message (he already had several “likes” and “shares”) and such women will read it, be shocked like I was, and have any bit of courage ripped from them to be replaced by hopelessness and possibly strengthen their thoughts of suicide.

    In protecting children, I do what I can to protect their caregivers, as well.

    This post is in no way about feminism. However, if someone in that position carries the message of encouragement to those she knows within her feminist circles, I am not going to stop them.

    I would like to remind everyone that comments by readers are the property of the person posting the comment and should not be shared elsewhere without their permission.

    But again, Ms. Carol, Ms. Fiona was referring to only my post and the comments within it. I’ve seen her pages and I know this to be fact. I hope this makes you feel more at ease.

    Comment by TUECAA | September 27, 2011 | Reply

  5. I found your blog while trying to find a copy of this status. I’m a survivor of domestic violence. I was pregnant with my second child when I finally left my husband and took my older child away from the violence. He almost killed my son within my body when he was less than two inches long in front of our other child. I feel that I can speak about the subject because I’ve more than walked a mile in their shoes–I’ve crawled a decade through this battle.

    When I left, I was terrified, broken, starving, alone, without friends or money. I was scared that the emotional damage he caused me would make me a terrible mom to my son. I was afraid I wouldn’t have a blanket to wrap him in when he was born because I was too scared to go back to retrieve anything we owned. I was afraid that while I was too pregnant to defend myself, he would come and hurt me and my older child. I was afraid that the internal damage he did to me would have damaged my son—and it appeared for a time that it had as he measured far, far too small. I was afraid that his promise to lie to the police if I ever told anyone what he did would cause him to gain custody of both children.

    Did I wonder if I it would be easier to struggle with one child than two? Would it be better if my son was injured to let him go to heaven now rather than struggle with a lifetime of disabilities? Could I love a boy with the face of the man who terrified me and abused me for so many years? Those were thoughts that haunted me. Thoughts I couldn’t tell anyone about for fear of what they’d think of me.

    I felt him grow within me, begin to move, and I felt nothing emotionaly. I felt empty. I couldn’t understand because I love babies and wanted more children depsite my situation. I felt such guilt that I rarely was even happy I was pregnant. I felt robbed.

    The one thought I kept clinging to was that inside me was a precious little treasure that God had put there for a reason. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew that God knew and that I should just wait and see his plan.

    My son was born recently. No permanant complications. He measured so small at first but caught up in the last two weeks of my pregnancy and was born huge & totally healthy. I love him so much that I can’t even describe it. The bond with both of my children is deep, profound, and beautiful. I’m still in hiding, still poor, still a single mom, still going through a divorce when I should be on maternity leave. Its not easy but at least my whole family is here with me==me and my children. The sweet, tiny ones aren’t gone forever because of temporary struggles. When either of my children see me, even if I’ve only been gone from the room for a moment they light up like Christmas trees. There is no lack of love, no association with evil. He didn’t get custody. He didn’t find us. All his lies were not believed.

    I know now that God gave me my son to make me strong enough to leave my husband, for myself and my older child who shouldn’t have to see mommy get beat up. I don’t know why I wasn’t strong enough earlier, but the moment he hurt my son by hurting me, I was able to go.

    But thank God I didn’t make the choice[…]. Thats a permanent solution to a temporary problem. That would have killed me.

    Comment by Survivor | September 28, 2011 | Reply

    • Survivor, I want to thank you for your courage in posting your story, though I removed a few words from your last paragraph. They would only serve to hurt others not as fortunate as you and simply made the purity of the rest of your post forgotten.

      I am very happy for you that you had family to support you and that the system worked for you. It’s unfortunate that your story is so rare. Thank you for sharing. The families of women in your situation need to understand victims of DV need their love and support, not their judgmental words and conditional love. My hope for all women who find themselves in this situation is that they have the good fortune you did of not only a family to lean on and not only a system that actually works for them, but also the courage and self-esteem to do so. Too many have been stripped of both by their abusers, and too many have been shunned by family and are ignored when they finally speak up.

      I hope all continues to work out for you, and I hope you can find the heart to offer compassion and support to those many heartbroken women who have had to make the choice you didn’t have to.

      Comment by TUECAA | October 15, 2011 | Reply


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