Answering A Reader’s Questions About Abusers And Their Victims
In January of this year, I was sent a series of questions by someone attempting to understand the pedophile mind and the affect pedophilia, molestation, and rape has on the victim. These are the questions and my in-depth answers.
I am not a doctor. I am not a scientist. I am not a psychologist or law enforcement agent. I am a survivor and I speak from the experience and knowledge I earned from the years of being a victim of sexual abuse.
QUESTION 1: do we (science) know as much about the human mind as we think? is there a higher reasoning at work we do not understand?
ANSWER: The short answer – No. Not even close. The long answer, also, addresses what you mentioned at the end of your message [on spirituality and the existence of the soul].
I believe the human mind is as complex as it is because of the existence of the soul (though spirituality does not have to involve religion as the “soul” can mean any kind of higher consciousness – in my opinion). I believe that without the soul, the human mind would be as simple as that of a primate. In that respect, we would not be inclined nor expected to behave any better than monkeys. It is the presence of the soul that makes us aware of why biology is what it is.
[There was a debate this person and I had been part of in which a pedophile was trying to compare humans to primates, stating that sex with children is natural because even monkeys do it.]
Do Tigers question why they are the only cat that adores water? Even to the point of preferring water as their hunting ground? No. They just do it. They are what they are and do not question. Baboons and Koala’s do not question why the males rape in order to breed. It is what it is. There is the programming in the Tiger that says: “Live this way and hunt like this or you will die and your species will die. ” There is the programming in the Baboon that says: “Breed this way or your species will cease to exist.”
Introduce a higher consciousness (be it the soul as spiritual people see it or a higher intelligence the way non-believers see it) and the Tiger would ponder: “Why do I like water? Why am I such a good hunter in the water? What if I don’t want to like water? The oxen in the river would feed my entire family but killing that little antelope in the grass 10 feet away is so much easier.” The Baboon females would say to the sexually aggressive males: “No! You have no right hurting us like this!”
Higher consciousness allows us to deduce what is best not only for the species but to understand the harm we cause others so that we may work out better ways of doing what it takes in order to preserve the species in a “humane” or “civilized” way.
The Tiger would weigh his options and choose either the unselfish route that takes a bit more work, or the lazy route that only ensures his own survival. The male Baboons would suddenly understand what they do causes pain and suffering, then they would either choose to selfishly, barbarically continue raping or work out a better way of having sexual encounters to remove the violence from the need to continue the species.
Without a higher enlightenment provided to us by an entity/state of mind we call “the soul” or some other form of cognitive ability only humans possess, we would still be as prehistoric man. The human mind combined with this higher consciousness is a complex machine Science won’t be able to understand if it ignores anything outside of what it sees through the microscope’s lens.
QUESTION 2: should we trust science will always know to do the right thing?
ANSWER: “Always” expects too much of anyone. Science continues to grow due to trial and error; therefore, Science does not always know to do the right thing.
QUESTION 3: is harm a messurable entity or is it something far more complex than our current understanding is able to grasp?
ANSWER: “Harm” is a negative result to a negative action. It isn’t so difficult. Now, what people claim as harm can differ when point of view, opinion and emotions are introduced.
A cut to the hand is obvious harm.
A man telling his wife of 3 years he’s been having an affair harms his wife on an emotional and mental level; however, his girlfriend is elated he came clean and he will finally be hers. She is the only one who comes out unharmed (until he cheats on her, too).
A person who commits a crime like theft will swear no one was harmed, but we know the harm comes from the victim of the theft, who has had their sense of security damaged either in a short term or for the rest of their lives, depending upon the aspects of the theft and their mental stability at the time of the crime.
QUESTION 4: are prepubescent children at even young ages inclined to be sexual without any artificial external influences of the adults and the world that they are exposed to?
ANSWER: This answer has aspects buried within aspects.
Even when we don’t think a child has ever been exposed to anything sexual, how are we to know they didn’t witness the neighbor’s dogs getting it on, or see the latest Axe commercial, or hear an explicit joke on the radio? To answer your question honestly, it would have to be tested with children in a controlled environment where everything they see and hear are void of any sexual content.
The best way, then, that I can answer this is by exposing more of my story to you, and more of myself.
Before I was molested at 6, I don’t recall ever seeing anything sexual. However, my parents and siblings used to watch shows on TV that were embracing the new sexual freedoms in broadcasting. CHiPs, Hawaii Five-O, .. your average ’70’s shows. Also, my youngest sister was abducted when I was 4 (she was 14). I remember hearing about the drugs, the FBI coming to our house many times because, as I overheard, her abduction was part of a sexual exploitation ring kidnapping young girls in forced prostitution and porn.
I remember the calls threatening my parents to stop looking for her or she would be chopped into little pieces. Since my dad refused to stop, they returned her (or rather, my oldest sister had her returned because the FBI was closing in on the proof she was involved).
I didn’t understand what those things meant, but I remember somehow knowing in my mind that the word “sex” was something very private and not something I should be hearing about. I don’t know why it is but I remember distinctly somehow knowing the subject of sex was serious and .. I don’t want to say embarrassing, but the feeling I had made me blush profusely even though I had no idea what “sex” was. I even felt that saying the word was not a nice thing for a child, and I didn’t dare say it.
Sometime at the end of kindergarten after I turned 6, my sisters brought me to buy a swimsuit. My dad expressly told them not to buy me something that showed too much. He was very strict and would have preferred I not wear a swimsuit at all, but rather regular clothes. The youngest sister bought me a bikini – red and white striped with a little gold anchor on the top. My other sister told her they would get into trouble, but my other sister – who has always controlled people – told her she was getting it anyway.
At some point, the youngest sister dressed me in the bikini and sent me to the child molester’s house. Up until then, he had only seen me in passing and taken photos of me with his Polaroid camera (a child pornographer’s best friend) while I was outside playing. Her reason to me was that he liked seeing kids in new clothes … or something like that.
I got this sick feeling in my stomach, but I believed she wouldn’t be doing something to hurt me so I went. He took a lot of photos of me and I remember he told me to pull the back down. I didn’t do it. I felt sick again and said I had to go because I wasn’t supposed to be out of the house. I ran home and sat in my closet with my stuffed animals – my safe haven when my family hurt me and I needed a place to hide so they wouldn’t see me cry.
Sometime soon after that, my sister told my mom I was bothering her and she couldn’t get her homework done. She told my mom to send me to the man’s house so he could watch me. My mom, forever doing what they told her to do to save her from having to do actual parenting of a child she never wanted, brought me to the man’s house, asked him to watch me for a couple of hours, and then left.
I remember sitting in his lap watching cartoons. Remember what I said about knowing about the existence of “sex” but afraid of speaking of it? Well, one time I did ask my mom. I remember asking her what the birds and the bees were because I’d heard that term on some show, like Leave It To Beaver or something. She gave me some literal thing about the birds being in the trees and the bees buzzing. Then recited that little sonnet: The birds and the bees, the flowers and the trees …..” I said, “No, the real birds and the bees. What does it mean?” She said she’d tell me when I was older and told me not to talk about that again. That thing inside me, instinct?, had told me there was something to that but I didn’t know what. So, when it came to asking about it, I knew my family wasn’t the way to go if I wanted the answer. (I was an easy target in so many ways. This is why I tell people: Answer your child or someone else will!)
I looked down at the man’s lap and saw the bulge in his pants. I knew it was something different than I had. I had seen the same bulge in my dad’s pants and my brother’s, but was always too afraid to ask them about it. Something in my mind told me it was very private and I would be severely punished for asking. Well, I sat there for a few long minutes wanting so badly to have the answer but not sure if I should ask this man.
Nothing at all SEXUAL was going through my mind. I was purely curious. That’s it. It is in our nature to be curious as it is part of evolution to grow intellectually. It could have been a handkerchief for all I knew, like my dad always carried, or a wallet or anything not actually connected to him. I didn’t know but wanted to know, couldn’t ask my family because I was always treated as a bother, and so I asked him to appease my curiosity.
I finally got up the nerve, took a deep breath, then asked, “What’s that?”
His response was to call me a dirty little girl, then he told me to touch it and find out. His insult stung so much I wanted to run home and cry. I was also scared to death, realizing by his response that I’d done something terribly wrong. (It was him for doing something wrong, but I didn’t know that at the time and I guarantee you that if my parents knew I’d said that, I would have been beaten and told it was all my fault).
He wouldn’t let me off of his lap when I tried to get down. He told me that I asked so I had to stay for the answer. I refused to touch it or look at it and looked to the TV instead. I don’t know if he made me touch it or not. I have blacked out a lot of what took place with him all the times he molested me. I know his hand went between my legs and no matter how hard I fought, he wouldn’t stop.
My mom came to get me soon after. Before he went to the door, he turned me to face him and told me it was our secret, that if I told anyone, they would be angry with me because I was the one who made him do what he did, that it was me who wanted it, that it was me who flirted and teased him and made him do it.
I don’t remember what happened after I left. I don’t remember if I cried or hid in my closet or what I did. I don’t remember how many more times it happened but I know it was quite a few and enough to last until the next school year.
The other siblings started to get in on the act, too. Anytime I would annoy them, they would tell my mom to send me to his house. I know they knew what they were doing because of the way they snickered when they saw me walk out the door and the way they looked at me, like they were teaching me a lesson.
I don’t know what exactly took place because I have blacked out so much. From what I learned later, though, about what he did to other kids in the neighborhood, there is a good chance it was worse than I remember.
I do remember one time just before I told my parents that his wife, who was always asleep down the hall from his TV room, suddenly came into the adjoining dining area. He had just slid his hand between my legs and was unfastening his belt. He jumped when he saw her and quickly pushed me off. In that instant, I knew he was lying about it being my fault and that no one would say he was doing something wrong. He was afraid and that was what I needed to later tell my parents.
Did I enjoy what was happening? NO! Not once! Did I ever think of it being sex? I still had no idea what sex was, so no.
QUESTION 5: should society teach children or anyone that sex is wrong or harmful to them?
ANSWER: “It takes a village to raise a child”
If society wishes for child abuse to stop, society needs to take some responsibility in helping children to understand no adult has the right to touch them sexually or make them do anything to their bodies or to another’s body, including being nude in front of anyone. Children should be made aware there are people who do sexual things with children, and this is wrong. That it is not acceptable in our civilized society, that it is disrespectful of them for an adult to take advantage of them, and that they are too special to be forced to do anything they don’t want to do.
My daughter wants to be a Veterinarian and/or Marine biologist (a vet for marine life, actually). She is 8. She has had a medical journal since she was 6 that is her favorite book. It has full color diagrams of the human body – male and female, including sex organs (inner and outer) in the corresponding chapters. She asked about those pages and I was 100% honest with her.
What I did notice right away, though, was that as soon as she came to the pages, she blushed and flipped to the next page really quickly. She went back to it after we went through the rest of the book and I explained each page and read about the items she was seeing (heart, lungs, lacerations, hearing aids … ).
As soon as I talked candidly about it with her, albeit not as graphic as if she were 16, she nodded her head in understanding, then quickly turned from the page again. Until this point, she had never seen sex organs of anything or anyone, nor had she been exposed to anything remotely to do with sex. However, she knew right away that what she was looking at was something private and not something shared with just anyone. That blush and knee-jerk reaction of turning away was not taught to her. It was a natural instinct. This coupled with my own memories at that age leads me to believe our own human minds (either alone or in correlation with the “soul”) do not permit us to accept sexuality until our bodies are ready for breeding purposes – which would be after the menstrual cycle.
No, we should not teach our children sex is wrong. This is proven to lead to sexual problems in adulthood. We teach them that touching of our private areas by adults is wrong. We teach them that no matter what any adult says, it is wrong to be touched in our personal areas, photographed naked, or to be told to touch anyone else on their private areas. And we instruct our children to tell someone if anyone tries this or does this.
We should raise our children to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are never in the wrong for any action an adult does to them or makes them do, and we should raise them to feel safe enough to come to us with any concern or question. That only we, their parents, have the authority to discuss private issues with them.
Of course, this would be a horrible thing if the scenario of abuse involves the parent him/herself. This is when the role of society speaking openly about child sexual abuse is so crucial. If the abuser is a parent, the only way a child will learn the truth and feel safe to talk to someone about it is if they see this discussed on TV, talked about in school, hear of it through PSA’s on the radio.
Society cannot hope for a better world if society turns its back on the current problems.
[The asker added the word “anyone” in this. I’m not sure what he wanted at that point, so I only addressed the child issue.]
QUESTION 6: does a society that teaches such idology doing more harm than good?
ANSWER: See answer to #5.
QUESTION 7: is AOC in its current state of inconsistancy helping those who are affected by those laws in a way that is always just and sincere?
ANSWER: I don’t think its current state in conjunction with the SOR is good at all. I’ll be brutally honest with you. Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not falling for the pedo propaganda about innocent 18 year olds being on the list for sex with 16 year olds. Yes, it does happen and that is what I am about to address; however, it isn’t as rampant as the pedos and pedo sympathizers would have people believe.
Still, I think putting 18 year olds on the list for sleeping with 16 year olds has done that registry a hell of a lot of damage. It is in no way the same as a 28 year old wooing a gullible 16 year old into bed. Or an 18 year old having his/her way with a 6 year old. The 18 year old is still just as much a teenager as the 16 year old, only facing the real world with bills and responsibilities 2 years sooner.
I believe in the case of an 18 year old/16 year old sexual incident, there absolutely should be charges pressed by the parents. I just don’t believe in putting said 18 year old on the Sex Offender Registry. It lessens the value of the SOR and diminishes the serioiusness of real sex offenses (i.e. child rape, adult rape, molestation, child porn). This, of course, all depends upon how the sex occured. Did the 16 year old agree or was forced? And force can, indeed, include coercion. If not than there is no sense in including the SOR as a punishment.
I think in today’s society, we need the AOC laws to protect these young people from the deviants whose numbers have increased dramatically in the last 30 or so years. Back in 1940, having 14 as an AOC wouldn’t have been the kind of problem as it would be now. Why? Because back in 1940, very few grown men would openly pursue a 14 year old girl. They would feel not only shame but humiliation at being seen to go after easily persuaded young girls rather than adult women who might turn them down. As if they weren’t man enough for a real woman. (Another benefit of society involvement.)
I’m not at all saying sexual abuse of young teens didn’t occur back then. Only that this discussion over the AOC wouldn’t have even been broached at that time because everyone knew and agreed that an adult male having sexual relations with a young teen girl was diplorable. Such abuse was hidden and the abusers didn’t dare abuse as often as they do now because the fear was far greater back then of what would happen should they be caught.
Then there came the infamous coupling of Jerry Lee Lewis with his 13 year old cousin, followed by Elvis’ 14 year old love interest. People were outraged at first, but as Hollywood and celebrities started to take over our otherwise common sense, this behavior was soon forgotten and the rest is history. In my opinion, it was at this moment in our history when society started ignoring men’s interest in young teens, opening the door for our current issues with hebephilia and men who openly prey upon vulnerable teen victims.
These predators no longer care what society thinks as long as they get off. Even with the AOC laws being what they are today, there has been a steady increase in grown men targeting 12, 13, 14, 15 year old girls. And they do so right out in the open, some even singing about it as celebrity musicians or joking about it as comedians.
We, also, see the 12, 13, 14, 15 year olds eating up the attention. This is primarily because the family structure we are faced with today is so broken down and practically non-existent, grooming these kids to believe these adults really love them isn’t hard at all. I’ve even seen a 13 year old girl write that she knew the thirty something year old man didn’t really love her and she didn’t want to sleep with him, but at least someone was paying attention to her and telling her she was smart, beautiful, and made her feel wanted … unlike her parents who were always working or out of town. It’s girls like this who need to be protected from predators seeking them out. The AOC laws do just that.
But yes, I think they go too far when they treat it as black and white when both people are teenagers only a couple of years apart.
ACCEPTION!: This opinion of mine only pertains to the younger teen actually wanting the interaction. One of the ways I was able to get that boyfriend of mine to leave me alone was by reminding him of the sexual abuse that occurred after he reached 18 and I was still 16. AOC in Louisiana, where I am from, was 17 at the time. That was one of the reasons he tried to drown me and then finally left me alone.
The fear of being charged with statutory rape kept a lot of my friends safe. All the kids would talk about it, and all the girls knew the boys were afraid of going to jail because of it. It made us feel safe.
Then, however, came the rise of date rape as Feminist organizations came under fire by Men’s groups, claiming girls were abusing the laws that permitted them to say, “No,” and dress how they wished with the expectation of a boy not assuming a short skirt meant she was automatically a whore. Girls were then the ones afraid of coming forward, and date rape rose once again. Every time there is a law to protect kids, the perpetrators find a new way to put them back in their place – which is beneath them.
QUESTION 8: is every sexual contact between an adult and child going to result in psychological damage, no matter how slight even when a child is only days before passing the AOC thershold?
ANSWER: Since we cannot interview every single victim and survivor of child sexual abuse (and every single purposeful sexual advance toward a child is sexual abuse), we cannot factually answer that question. We can only comment regarding our personal experiences as well as people we have spoken to who are victims or survivors. I have yet to meet anyone who had sexual contact with an adult as a child who did not suffer some form of negative repercussion.
You say “no matter how slight.” If it’s on purpose, it makes no difference. Sexual contact is sexual contact, and one of the methods pedophiles use to groom children before further sexual abuse is by such slight touches, occurring sparingly as to not raise suspicion. Purposeful touching and accidental touching are different and can be separated by the future actions of the adult. Simply put, if it was an accident, it will never happen again.
I remember being tickled by one of my brother’s friends before the molestation by the neighbor. He accidentally brushed his hand over my privates as he was reaching to lift me and toss me playfully onto the sofa. As soon as it happened, he stopped and didn’t play with me like that again.
His hand was only there for a brief second, and it was just the side of his hand. Still, I remember the feeling I had that made my stomach tighten and I was afraid until I saw the embarrassment on his reddened face and his refusal to ever again tickle me or rough house with me.
Later, when that other man molested me, one of the things he would say to me was, “Does that tickle? I bet that feels good. That’s why you like to be tickled. You’re a dirty girl and you like to be tickled.” It was quite clear to me at that point there was a distinct difference in what my brother’s friend did and what this sick jerk was doing.
And by the way, the Tickle Me Elmo doll? I want to burn every one of the fuckers and beat the living hell out of the inventor and every parent who gives one to their child! Psychological Damage 101. I was, also, molested while Charlie Brown commercials are on, so I get sick to my stomach and weak when I hear the music or see the cartoon – which is why my daughter has never seen it and probably never will for fear she will like it and want me to watch it with her. They are called “triggers” and are the best proof of psychological damage there is.
Because of the molestation, I started wetting my bed and didn’t stop until I was 12. After 12, I would have the occasional accident but at least it stopped being on a regular, nightly basis.
I remember in 2nd grade they handed out forms for us to give our parents. It was from the police department and listed signs to watch for in your child to see if they are being sexually abused. This is when I learned molestation was sex, and on the list was bed wetting among sudden weight gain and some other things that were dead on descriptive of what I was going through. I hid it in my bookbag and threw it away when I could do so unnoticed. I didn’t want to show my parents because I didn’t want them to be angry with me again. They already let me know they didn’t care and that they didn’t believe he did anything wrong. I still had that corner inside my closet and after I ditched the letter, I sat there with the door closed and cried until I fell asleep in my stuffed animals.
After the other man started on me at 13, what had slacked off to once in a while wetting the bed started being at least a couple of times a week. It didn’t stop through high school, especially after the boyfriend started assaulting me. I finally trained myself to stay up very late at night. I would get at the most 4 hours of sleep, which my body learned to adjust to to the point I was just as alert as anyone who had 8 hours of sleep.
What I didn’t realize at the time, however, is that my “alertness” and well-known characteristic of always smiling and laughing as well as the constant need for adrenaline (street racing, of which I was not only the only girl racer but also undefeated) was, in actuality, sleep deprived high. I was not as aware as I thought I was, which is why I let the wrong people in and didn’t discriminate when it came to choosing friends. Not racially but safety wise. I never did drugs, drank, went to wild parties, snuck out …. I did, however, allow very dangerous individuals into my life, which could have turned out very, very badly.
I have said that my guardian angel deserves overtime for keeping me alive, to which non-believers have questioned why I, of all people, could believe in a guardian angel after all that has happened to me. I don’t know, to be honest. I just know that I have felt a presence in times when I was supposed to have died. I felt a distinct hand on my back gently tilting me back to the ground when I almost went over the edge of a high rise. No one else was anywhere around me. I heard voices giving me a choice of staying or leaving when I did die after my sister had me hit by the car. I felt air being pumped into my lungs when my boyfriend tried to drown me, and heard a soothing voice lulling me to relax. I’d never held my breath for over 3 minutes before, but there it was and I wasn’t holding my breath. I was somehow breathing.
I don’t know what any of that means. Why my life was protected but I was allowed to suffer. I’ve exhausted every angle I can think of for the answer. I just don’t know – yet. I know I will eventually, so I just have to let that go for now.
You say “days before passing the AOC threshold.” I think that is taking it a bit too literally, which may be your purpose to see my reaction.
Our bodies and minds do not work on a generic timeline set upon us by any man-made system that expects everyone to be a carbon copy of their ideals. A girl who is 16 years, 11 months, and 25 days old is not going to feel any differently about a sexual encounter that takes place on her 17th birthday.
Now, if you want to expand that a bit and compare a 14 year old to a 16 year old, that would be better.
At 14, puberty is still new. We are still working out the awkwardness of body changes and hormonal changes. Too many people try to make it seem that puberty is a green light for sex, that Nature, herself, is saying, “Let’s Go!” Wrong! Puberty is merely the first step in the body’s new sexual development. There still has to be a gelling of the mind with the body, as well as the further development of the newest additions and changes to the body.
At 16, we are better adjusted though not yet prepared for the predators out there waiting to take advantage. We are highly rebellious because our bodies and minds are ready to leave the nest but are forced to stay because our “civilized” society is built on money and politics and things we haven’t learned enough about yet to make it on our own. However, sexually, our bodies are now ready because it is our biology to produce and continue the species.
I won’t lie. I firmly believe that holding back the body’s natural need to have sex when it is ready can be damaging. However, our biology does not see the dangers in the predators. It only sees the task Nature has set forth. It is the higher consciousness, again, that tells us we must hold back. That we are not beasts with no other purpose than to eat, shit, sleep, and procreate. So we are at a point where even though it is very much a natural thing to have sex at 16, we are fully aware that sex is no longer seen as a tool to species survival. Rather it has become a source for base pleasure and is now used as a tool for dominance and exerting anger and violence.
Our higher consciousness then becomes a target for those who choose to ignore that species survival instinct and have chosen to grab the easy target antelope instead (from Question 1). They rip apart those they accuse of being “morality police” because they are determined not to lose their easy prey. Until these predators are stopped, we must continue to protect those they prey upon.
I feel this is changing our evolutionary process as we speak. In what direction, I don’t know. I am afraid it won’t be a healthy one, but that won’t stop me from protecting the antelope from the tiger.
QUESTION 9: should we expect that certain situations are going to need special consideration within the justice system?
ANSWER: You have to be more specific as to what situations you are referring.
I believe there is a cut and dry, black and white scale that says absolutely no sexual contact with children. I, also, believe there are not so black and white situations in regards to teens – as I’ve demonstrated in my previous answers.
Do I feel all child molesters deserve equal punishment? Not initially, no. It would depend upon why they did what they did and the extent of what they did.
Take an 11 year old who is caught fondling a 4 year old. That 11 year old is just as much a victim because he/she learned it from somewhere. You can’t charge a minor child abuser the same as an adult one.
I think the first arrest of a child abuser – as long as previous abuses are not evident – should be handled with accompanying therapy to pinpoint exactly what is in the person’s mind to determine why they did what they did. Yes, they lie but we can’t deny there are those who wish not to hurt children and would rather die before they strike again.
Now, repeat offenders don’t deserve any benefit of the doubt. Let them cry and blubber until they are blue in the face. They won’t convince me and they shouldn’t be allowed to convince anyone else. They’re crying because they don’t want to be fresh meet in the prison yard again.
QUESTION10: are peophiles really monsters or do they need our help?
ANSWER: They know right from wrong. They choose to hurt children. If this isn’t a monster, tell me what is.
Do they need our help? I believe there are those who honestly want it. They are so messed up from things that have happened to them that they perhaps cannot handle it well and respond in destructive and self-destructive ways. You can tell who deserves the help by how sincere they are at stopping their behavior.
Then you have those who adamantly refuse to hear it is wrong at all – like Lindsay Ashford . Do people like him deserve our help? No. No one who knows full well the suffering they are delivering onto a defenseless child and defends their right to do so deserves our help. They deserve prison for life without the possibility of parole. Do they NEED our help? Oh, they need help. The problem is, nothing will work on offenders like that because they will never admit they are in the wrong and they will never let go of what gets them off so nicely.
QUESTION 11: are we doing the potential victims of the pedophile justice by not doing the needed reaserch required to find out what causes them to be the way they are, so we may intervene before they act on their attractions?
ANSWER: Depends on what kind of research to which you are referring.
Research involving children, like Kinsey’s supposed “research”? NO! That is just pure evil, wickedness, a body void of any conscience or soul or heart of any kind.
Research involving interviews with sex offenders and victims/survivors, yes. That needs to be done.
We most definitely need to find out why these people do what they do so we can stop them from harming other children. We cannot just pick up the pitchforks and burn them without question. We do need research but only as long as it does no further damage to any other children and does not focus on the offender as being a “victim”. Victimizing the offender merely excuses their behavior, and we cannot allow this or we open up a bigger can of worms for the courts and for the children who deserve to see justice else we raise more cynics in an already overly cynical world.
Children deserve hope. They deserve justice. They deserve to see their abuser punished. Believe me when I say to you that seeing your abuser defended and living free while you are punished for speaking out does more damage than even the abuse.
QUESTION 12: are we doing enough to counter the efforts of organized pedophilia and thier symathizers to change public opinion regarding “adult/child” sex?
ANSWER: Hell no. Volunteers are, yes, but society as a whole? No.
We hear all about Brangelina’s new kids, about Tom Cruise’s weirdness, Gucci and Louis Vaton, trillion dollar deficits, OPEC and victims of terrorism abroad.
What we don’t see are PSAs about child sexual abuse.
What we don’t see in the media and popular magazines are celebrities foregoing self-promotion and paid advertisements to speak out against child abuse.
What we don’t see are politicians adding a promise to spend more money on combating child abuse rather than improving roads and public toilets.
Did you know Obama’s daughters were featured on Girl Chat and other pedophile websites? Did you know that even after his people threatened to sue the sites and the sites pulled the images, the images went right back up and Obama didn’t do anything since? Did you once hear Obama say anything on his campaign trail about this or any plan to tackle the child abuse, child porn, pedophile problems? Did you know Obama’s first choice for Deputy Attorney General is a pedophile lawyer, child porn rights lawyer?
I’m not singling him out to reflect my political views. I am using him as an example that politicians don’t give a shit, and if they don’t care, how can we win? The only choice we have is to MAKE them say something. We have to hit the pavement more with fliers on windshields, hitting up DJ’s to discuss it on morning shows, writing to talk show hosts to talk about it, calling out celebrities for ignoring it.
Ricky Martin has a foundation where he sees the rescue of teens and children being sold into prostitution and sex slavery. All we hear about Ricky Martin in the news and on channels like MTV are questions about his sexuality. If not for Oprah Winfrey’s own child abuse awareness cause and her partnership with Ricky Martin, I never would have known about his fight. And still, have you even heard of her cause? In the eyes of Hollywood and the MSM, it isn’t news worthy, so we don’t hear of it.
It’s damned time we let them know it is newsworthy and more important than who the hell wore what at the Oscars or got married to who after sleeping with so-and-so’s brother’s cousin’s aunt’s uncle’s barber!
QUESTION 13: is there some truth to the idea that societal views are the only thing that makes this behaior harmful?
ANSWER: You’re asking the right person. Why? Because I was raised in a family where such discussions were never to occur. If not for what I saw on common place sexually charged 70’s shows, I wouldn’t have heard of it at all (until it happened to me, at which time I didn’t realize that was foreplay).
On those 70’s shows, it was the normal thing to do. And yet, I KNEW in my heart, my mind, my higher consciousness that what the man who molested me was doing was wrong. Society had not a damned thing to do with my feelings. My instinct told me he was behaving inappropriately to me, taking advantage of me, doing things to me he had no right to do, even when my own parents made me feel they didn’t care.
Blaming society’s intolerance is a pedo ploy that only works on those never affected by child sexual abuse. It is a grooming tactic that disgustingly has worked in many cases.
This is the end of the questions. At the time, I answered them in parts because I didn’t have time to answer them all at once. In the meantime, the sender would respond to some of my remarks as if he agreed but felt child abusers deserved more compassion than I was willing to give.
I say again as I said in my previous post, I was not then and I am not now 100% convinced he was not a pedophile looking to corrupt me or get me to admit something to show I could be manipulated. After my last answer, he never wrote to me again. As a matter of fact, the account he used to contact me was closed soon after.
Regardless of his reason behind his questions, this presented me with a perfect opportunity to delve deeply into just what makes me do this work and stick with it day after day, even when I feel drained and emotionally weak from the horrors I see happening and I remember from my past.
I know many had worse childhood abuse than me, like my niece and nephew. The varying forms of abuse I survived, however, did present me with a unique insight that has helped me help others – victims, survivors, parents, and law enforcement. I’m not going to say I see this as a silver lining. I would have much prefered not being sexually abused than being an advocate with first hand helpful knowledge. Since there is no changing the past, I may as well let it work for some good. What better way than to destroy child abusers with the tools they, themselves, gave me? Poetic justice and all that.