Pondering The Permissive Attitude of Child Abuse
I have been an active child abuse awareness volunteer/ children’s rights advocate for three years now. I say “active” because though I always supported the cause and would defend a child I saw being abused tooth and nail, I wasn’t actively involved in awareness or helping to change/promote laws defending and protecting them. I had a lot of my own personal demons to tackle, things going on in my life that were hard enough to deal with in addition to looking after my own child. I couldn’t take any more into my broken heart and chaotic jungle that was my mind.
I’m not quite out of the woods yet, but putting myself into this fight gives me something to believe in. Not only for the hope of the world, of which I have little, but something to believe all the hell I’ve endured wasn’t for nothing. Since I’ve experienced just about every form of sexual abuse you could imagine, either personally or as a first hand witness, I’m more than qualified to relate the victim’s voice for those who cannot speak and give a window into the mind of an abuser who refuses to acknowledge the crimes.
I suppose, then, I am quite a stone wall when it comes to discussing these things, and that annoys many who prefer to discuss and not be told the stance they should take.
The fact of the matter is, from where I stand, there is no middle ground with child abuse and I cannot understand how anyone can see one. There are only two sides to a situation where a child is being sexually abused. Either you agree that sexual conduct with a child is wrong, or you agree it is not wrong. What possible middle ground could there be?
Does a child deserve to be raped because she or he has a cute bottom? Does a child deserve to be molested if she or he asks questions about sex? Does an adult have the right to take the innocence of any child?
In olden times when the life span was less than today, it was only logical for a girl to marry at 15 or 16. Of course, then you have the husband of the girl at an age close to her father’s. What sense that was, one only has to look through history books and ask an historian and cultural psychologist to know.
One reason was that girls were used as bargaining tools for their father’s to procure more land and property. They were nothing more than livestock.
The reason any man would agree to such an arrangement, knowing he would be paying a hefty sum for her, was, I can assure you, because of some perverse desire to dominate and get off on a young girl. That the fathers accepted this and saw their daughters only as 6 pieces of silver or 2 stallions or an acre or two of land is not an argument I would listen to while in a present day discussion with someone who uses the excuse for underage sex: “Well, they used to do this hundreds of years ago!”
Now, as much as I loathe that olden custom, I still do not put as much of my awareness energy on 16 year olds as I do on 6 year olds. I was 16 once and though I was given no choice when or even how my first time would be, I remember well the raging hormones. I can promise you that had my boyfriend loved me and not been a violently abusive asshole, I would have given myself freely and no one could have said it was anyone else’s choice but mine.
I’ll even go a step further and reveal that I had a mad crush on a 20 year old, who, had he asked, I would have allowed every liberty. Should that have happened and anyone found out, he would have been arrested for statutory rape. No one would have listened to me that it was me who pursued him. That it was me who begged him to make love to me over and over after his continued expression I was too young. They still would have said he should have known better and that I, as a 16 year old, didn’t know what I was doing. They would have been wrong but that’s the law.
Why? Because there are a good number of 20 year olds who would pursue a 16 year old and refuse to listen to her wish to remain a virgin. And remembering myself as a 16 year old, I feel it safe to say 16 year olds are highly susceptible to mind games, to the point they become completely stupid and forget about their convictions until the boy has had his way, kicks her out of bed (or the car), and refuses to ever acknowledge it happened. That kind of behavior is what the laws are in place to try to prevent. It’s protecting 16 year olds who are easily swayed with promises of love and affection they don’t get at home.
Another sad fact: Laws like this are in place because parents and society as a whole refuse to acknowledge teenagers as free thinkers quite capable of understanding logic and reason if given the chance. So brings me back to the olden days when 16 year olds would marry. Though we can clearly see the abuse happening there, we must also realize that 16 year olds were already as mature as 25 year olds today. More so, actually, than many 25 year olds I have known. At 16, they knew of wars and winning them, harvesting, birth, death, how to run a household, how to tend to children, and everything else that would fry the brain of any average 16 year old today, who wouldn’t know anything outside the X-Box or being “Emo” or whining about the latest trend if you paid them to know.
For all of these reasons, this web of complicated theory and understanding into teenage sex, I steer clear of debates or legal battles involving consensual teenage sex. Even if the other person is over 18. Although I support efforts of people like Chris Hansen, because 30+ year old men have NO business meeting 13 year olds for sex!, I prefer to leave them to that fight and go more so in support of the little children who have had absolutely no say, no choice, no understanding in being approached sexually and much worse, sexually violated.
I’ve seen and heard many excuses for pedophilia, some of which include the terminology “child love”. I’ve even heard the moronic excuse that it is merely a religious/spiritual path that no one has the right to question. I and all employees – paid and volunteer, civilian and law enforcement – know these are commonly used and widely held excuses and beliefs of pedophiles. I have angered people by referring to those using the excuse of tribalism and spirituality as closet pedophiles or pedophile sympathizers. I do not take that back. I never will. Why? Because it is true.
Remember that I said there is no middle ground. You are either for child abuse or against it. You cannot be in the middle. By claiming sexual contact with a child is out of some perverse idea of love, you are agreeing with pedophilia. By claiming sexual contact with a child is okay in spiritual circumstances, you are agreeing with pedophilia. By acting on these agreements, you become not just a pedophile sympathizer, you become a pedophile.
For those who do not know or have been confused on what “pedophilia” actually is:
Websters Online Dictionary:
One entry found.
pe·do·phil·ia Listen to the pronunciation of pedophilia Listen to the pronunciation of pedophilia
: sexual perversion in which children are the preferred sexual object
— pe·do·phil·i·ac Listen to the pronunciation of pedophiliac \-ˈfi-lē-ˌak\ or pe·do·phil·ic Listen to the pronunciation of pedophilic \-ˈfi-lik\ adjective
n. an obsession with children as sex objects. Overt acts, including taking sexually explicit photographs, molesting children and exposing one’s genitalia to children, are all crimes. The problem with these crimes is that pedophilia is also treated as a mental illness, and the pedophile is often released only to repeat the crimes or escalate the activity to the level of murder.
See also: molestation pornography rape
American Heritage Stedman’s Medical Dictionary
pedophilia ped·o·phil·i·a (pěd’ə-fĭl’ē-ə, pē’də-)
The act or fantasy on the part of an adult of engaging in sexual activity with a child or children.
ped’o·phile’ (-fīl’) n.
ped’o·phil’i·ac’ (-fĭl’ē-āk’) adj. & n.
Therefore, any sexual activity with a child (which is considered under the age of 13 in the United States of America) is pedophilia. Therefore, logically, anyone who supports sexual contact with a child for any reason what-so-ever is a pedophile supporter. Therefore, anyone who supports pedophilia and comes to the defense of pedophilic acts is a pedophile sympathizer.
Therefore, in no way, shape, or form do my accusations warrant slander or even liable when I suggested the term toward those who make public knowledge their stance in support of the pedophilic acts against children. Comments can be deleted but screen captures will not be, and when I am in a public forum taking down pedophiles and online predators, I make it a habit of screen capturing the entire discussion every 10 minutes. In this job, you live and you learn. One of the things you learn is how not to fear their threats of law suits because you learn quickly that they are more afraid of having to testify in open court to their own behavior than of anything you say to them on an internet forum. That’s what happens when you live in the dark and are afraid of the light.
A lot of people who are reading this may be cringing right now at the memory of a very recent discussion regarding pedophiles holding a rather high position (though more so in their own minds than in actuality) in Wicca. No, I am not going to rehash that event. It was merely one drop in the bucket compared to the larger problem not just in this country but the world over.
However, it made me ponder yet again why people are so permissive about child sexual abuse.
When a child continually walks around with a bruised eye or a broken wrist or unexplained burns, we immediately call CPS to report child abuse. Yet, when reports of sexual misconduct with a child come to light, the majority turn away and try to pretend they didn’t hear of it. Why?
Why is it that sexually assaulting a child warrants less of an outrage than slapping a child too hard? Granted, I would break the hand of any parent I witnessed beating their child, but is it more outrageous than raping a child? Or is it that we don’t want to think about it?
So, we prefer to ignore images of that child’s tiny body being forced down by her/his assailant while his legs are forced open and he/she is raped because we can’t stomach the thought, but it is okay for that child to continue to endure it to protect our delicate sensibilities. Brave kid. Pathetic us.
I don’t enjoy fighting with anyone about this subject because it saddens me that there even needs to be a fight. It saddens me that there are people who use this topic for attention and seemingly don’t even care about the issue at hand. They have their own demons to chase, and I will not allow them to involve me in that struggle. They will never be as important as abused children.
As a last thought:
I ran across this story this morning and find it poignant for this discussion:
Sep 27, 1:13 am EDT
LOS ANGELES (AP)—A man faces criminal charges for allegedly stealing a uniform from Dodger Stadium and posing as one of the team’s players.
Ronald Higgins pleaded not guilty to several charges Friday, including burglary and trespassing.
The 47-year-old Higgins was arrested Wednesday morning after a security guard found him walking on the field in a Dodgers uniform and holding a glove with two balls. Higgins allegedly identified himself as a Dodgers player, but the guard recognized him from an earlier incident and called police.
Prosecutors say Higgins’ clothes were later found in the bat boys’ locker room. It was not immediately clear where he got the uniform.
If convicted, Higgins could spend nearly four years in state prison.
Attempts to locate an attorney for Higgins were not successful Friday night.
Four years in a state prison for pretending to be a baseball player. Had this man raped the bat boy in the bat boy’s locker room, he would have received one year of psychiatric counseling and then set free to do it again. Not opinion. This is the way the law works. Why do we accept this?
While you sit there silently, a child is screaming for someone to help.