I was recently left a comment by someone claiming to be a pedophile. I battled with myself whether or not I should post this because I wasn’t certain of the agenda behind the comment, if the person is a factual pedophile or someone just trying to get a rise out of me and other anti-child abuse activists.
I have exhausted my brain looking at this comment from every angle. I decided this morning after much personal deliberation and wise council from others in this field to post it because the message is here, regardless of the intent of the poster. I believe it is a clear cut example of just how little paranoia is in play during our assessments, and just how on the mark we are with the deviousness we warn people of what we fight every day.
It is in the best interested of all those who see us as paranoid, who believe we over-exaggerate, and of parents who don’t believe it’s really “that serious” to read this comment well and never forget the words.
My response to this piece of garbage follows:
Dear SMP - Your site is very informative and thorough. You have done your research. My favorites are the blogs about symbols and the car decals. I say my favorites because I laughed until my stomach hurt. You are asking yourself why. Because dearheart you think people care and pay that much attention. Because dearheart you think you and the antis can really stop us. Because dearheart you think parents really pay that much attention and society gives a hoot about your so called awareness. We both know you’re right. What do you do when no one cares, though? Do names of children on cars help me find my next little friend? Names on cars help me put a name to the child I photograph and masturbate to for weeks to cum. Names and school stickers and sports decals help me to find that child again for newer photographs. Who knows? If the fantasy becomes a favorite, I may decide to make the encounter real, and because mom and dad gave me all the information I need to find Jenny or Johnny, I know that if I want to make fantasy become reality, it will be easy as pie. I know I won’t have to try hard like I might with the other kids I photograph. I keep these kids in a special folder marked “someday.” Grooming you and your friends talk about is the next step but you don’t mention that it’s the most entertaining. We are masters at the game and when we win it makes the lovemaking with our new little lover sweeter. Where did you find the information on the symbols? I am impressed at how thorough you were but you didn’t mention that we have our symbols in places people use every day. We do not adhere strictly to the shapes you posted. We can modify them slightly and still recognize other girl and boy lovers. I am sure you have seen the new necklace designed by Jane Seymour. You probably have a pendant of your own. The ladies like them. So do little girls and little girl lovers. When asked about mine and why I wear a bit of woman’s jewelry, I say it is a reminder of my dead wife and child. Don’t you know, people don’t like talking to widowers because it is a sore subject. They would rather change the subject fast, and so I escape further prying into my necklace that signals other girl lovers that I am a GL. For my BL attraction, I don the wiccan triple knot. I know too of GLs who use the Roxy surfer girl heart logo and BLs who use the pagan vaulknot. These are both variations of the GL heart logo and the BL triangle logo but the public will never know the difference. See dearheart you and your firends will never make a difference. We are everwhere. We use everything. For every one child you claim to “save” we add another 100 to our list. You should join Peta where your work will have more value. People care about abused animals. They don’t care abut abused kids. Haven’t you figured that out by now? If people cared you would hear about it on the news and in movies. You would see it in papers. You would hear it on the radio. Your biker friends don’t do any good with their little show that only a few people listen to. Your Absolute zero friends only piss and moan, maybe take credit for some pedophiles they expose but they are only thinning out the herd. If they are a weak link, they deserve to be caught. It exposes those among us who cannot be trusted and depended on. Antis make it so easy for us. Society makes it even easier. The more you antis cry about sex with minors, the quicker society turns away from you. Nobody wants to hear that shit. They want to know about celebrity gossip and the ozone layer and how Obama is going to save us from our own stupidity. You posted about Obama’s choice for deputy attorney general. That didn’t tell you t hat you are in a losing battle? Our own president doesn’t see anything wrong with child love. He picked our defender to control the rules you antis want enforced to cram your morals down peoples throats because he knows you’re ignorant and behind the times. People are coming to our side by the thousands. People make fun of Chris Hansen and his catch a predator series because sex with children is acceptibale and idiots like Hansen and you are thinking in the past. Everybody wishes they could have expereinced love the way we give it to children. Admit it. You fantasize about being a virgin again. All women do. It’s in all of the romance novels. You fantacize about being a virgin and being taken by older, stronger men. The heroine struggles at first but when its over she loves him and is devoted to him. There are no virgins over 13 anymore, so our AOA has to go lower every year. Some do it for virginity. Others do it for the youthful body. I do it for both. If hair has begun but the body is still to my liking and it is a virgin, I help my little lover shave and encourage him or her to keep it smooth. More proof society accepts child love. Shaving the pubic area is reminiscent of pre-puberty. Men who enjoy women only when they shave are admitting to their attraction to pre-pubescent girls. Women, in kind, who prefer shaved men. All the more popular adult porn movies feature clean shaven stars. They shave their pubic area, their legs, their chests, their rear ends, their arms, their faces, their arm pits. They have no hair to speak of other than that on their head. This is pre-puberty and this is what people crave. I bet you are shaved and your husband prefers that. You are such a hypocrit. Your man wants a child in his bed and you give that to him. All you antis are child lovers who haven’t admitted it yet but you will. When you do and you act on it, please take pictures. You know where to find us. We’ll be waiting because we will never go away. Society won’t make us go away and there is nothing you can ever do to stop us.
Dear ILoveLGLB [LG = Little Girls, LB = Little Boys],
I’m not exactly certain of your full agenda, although mocking us and attempting to dissuade us from our efforts to destroy you is a given (scared much?). Perhaps you are a real pedophile, perhaps someone who has some beef with me.
I looked at your comment from every angle trying to determine if I should even acknowledge it, if it was real, and if I should report it as I do all pedophilic messages I receive. I, then, decided the best course of action, other than addressing your pitiful attempt at disheartening me, was to simply turn over to the FBI and your local law enforcement your comment along with your information gathered as soon as you visited my site (IP/ISP hiders only do so much – there is still the server and so forth). Let them sort it out. At the very least, your pedophilic references will award you a comfortable spot on their watchlist for years to come. Have fun with that.
I won’t say much about the things you said about children or me, as you’ve done yourself more damage than I could ever do by pointing out the obvious. I will simply address your over-inflated ego that has you believing there is nothing we can do to stop you and that I, actually, care more about you or myself over the safety of children.
Let me make it abundantly clear that I don’t give a fuck what you think you can do to me to stop me. I don’t care what people say about me, what people do to me, how many friends I have or don’t have.
I am the person who, if you try to physically hurt me should I speak up, can turn on you and slit your throat.
I am the person who, if you blackmail me, will broadcast whatever it is you think you have on me to the world and then expose every dirty little secret I know about you that you never knew I had.
I am the person who has called child protective services on her own family member.
I am the person who will throw away a 10 year friendship with no regrets to see a person I called best friend behind bars for abusing, or allowing to be abused, her children.
I am the person who will bring down an entire institution, whether I’ve supported it or not, as soon as I find out they have permitted or perpetrated child abuse or in any way child endangerment.
I am the person who would physically torture the man in her life if he ever touched her child in an inappropriate fashion.
I am the person who would not blink should every adult human on Earth cease to exist.
I am cold. I am steel. I am vigilant. I am the last person you ever want on your ass for hurting a child.
All I am here for on this Earth is to protect children.
When I was 5 and all of the other kids were sharing their “when I grow up” dreams of being policemen, nurses, doctors, teachers, etc.., my only desire was to be a guardian angel. Through grade school and high school, that secret wish never faded.
One can believe all of my suffering was fate’s way of preparing me for my chosen destiny. One can believe it was a God’s “gift” to make me the kind of guardian angel it would take to protect children from the likes of you. Whatever the answer, it matters not. The only thing that matters is that I am your worst fucking nightmare and I will NEVER go away.
Sue me, slander me, abuse me, threaten me, arrest me …. You cannot gag me. You cannot scare me. You cannot dishearten me. Mother fucker, you cannot stop me. It is my destiny. It is my calling and it is my passion. I will NEVER go away. Believe what you will about the afterlife, but neither heaven or hell, enlightenment or nothingness will even stop me. On the contrary, death awards no boundaries … and no rules.
In collaboration with Guru from B.A.C.A. Nation, I am posting this information on how pedophiles groom parents for access to their children. My source for this information and for all grooming information is Warriors For Innocence. Therefore, I cannot take credit for the research, but rather as a living example of how these tactics on parents and guardians work very well.
Our grooming information will begin with this look into how pedophiles and sexual predators groom parents and care givers of children. This post will be followed by more on how they groom their child victims. I will be using the posts from Warriors For Innocence as reference, and additionally, I will add my own thoughts and point of view as a survivor.
From Sues at Warriors For Innocence:
Pedophiles Groom Parents Too
We’ve told you before in our Grooming Articles that pedophiles not only groom their victims, but the parents and entire communities as well. [...] here’s a recent letter posted by a well known pedophile who calls himself “Blue Heaven” (BH). It’s addressed to the parents of his “lgf” or ‘Little Girl Friend’.
[...] “I can only cheer from the sidelines and set a positive example for the kids when I can, but it is important to me to see them growing up right and I believe in what you’re doing. I know you have a great support system within your family already; just know I am more than willing to help out if ever I can.” […]
“I want you to know that I have always had the best intentions at heart, and I always will. I’ve become a protective older brother with her (sometimes over-protective), and I’ve become concerned about her success in life, I am also a real friend to her, and she’ll tell you the same things. In short she has become someone special to me and I enjoy helping her.” […] Translation: He’s sexually attracted to her and he wants her bad.
He then tries to explain why he wants to spend so much time alone with her. We of course know its because he sees her as a sexual object. But he is in the grooming mode and is attempting to charm her parents into letting him have her in his house ALONE with him and without her siblings around….
“I believe it is good for her to have one more person around to encourage her and I think sometimes she needs someone else to talk to. It’s also good for her to talk to an older friend (as in non-related) who has her best interests at heart.” [...]
“I want to always keep things out in the open” [...]
“I have told her that with your expressed permission she is welcome in my home. If you give the OK she may come over anytime to finish her homework, here where there are fewer distractions. I would make sure it gets completed and work with her should she need it. She is also welcomed to come over just to talk or if she just feels like getting out of the house.” [...]
“I am not asking you for anything, I just want you to know that I’m very good to her and she is more than welcomed here.” … Translation: Don’t worry, I won’t hurt her much. At least not at first. Yes, I want to rape her, but I’ll wait and mess with her mind first. Then I’ll force her to believe that it’s something that she really wants. That way when she gets too old for me, I can walk away from her, and move on to my next victim.
We wrote about BH before. He was trying to find a way to gain public acceptance. He wanted to fool everyone into believing that he was a “good” pedophile…
“If we adopt a non-threatening approach, and stay within the law. Then maybe we can gain just a little credibility with the public. If we build on this new image: “CL [Child Lover] in defense of those they love”, then maybe we can begin a dialog…but as long as outing ourselves is societal suicide, then we can’t do anything anyway.”
- Blue Heaven
Don’t ever forget that pedophiles are child PREDATORS. They will attempt to manipulate everyone around them in order to gain access to their victims. Your job as parents and caregivers is to stop them. Don’t fall for their lies. Don’t let them lull you into a false sense of safety. Pedophiles are not safe. They do not care about the well being of children. All they care about is how to get their hands on their next victim.
How do you stop a child predator? Go to our grooming articles and get some really good info here.
The most frightening part about this is that the letter sounds very innocent. It sounds as if he sees it as only a simple friendship and everything is open and honest, even writing a letter as proof for the parents own security (they have his request in writing should he do anything bad). If those who have investigated Blue Heaven, like Sues, didn’t already know he was a pedophile, and if the letter didn’t appear on a pedophile website as an example of how to groom parents, there is no way of knowing that this is a clever way of gaining trust and acceptance of being alone with this little girl he is dying to rape.
Grooming of children, parents, guardians, even the child’s community can take place for several months before sexual abuse occurs. Here is an example of the mindset and instructions in abuse from one of the men Sues has investigated:
They plot and plan against the rest of the world to try to gain acceptance. They want to abolish the age of consent (AOC) for sex. One pedophile, “Golem”, talks in graphic detail about how he would have sex with an 8 year old, if it was legal, of course…
“It would take months of preperation to get, say, an 8 year old girl physically ready for full intercourse with an adult man. Months of streching excersises, sexual aclimitizing(to make her more comfortable with her girl parts, so she doesn’t get nervous, and tense up during, possibly causing injury), and practice sessions. ….She would have to be masturbated by her partner with fingers or objects inside of her most every day. …there’s no danger in intercourse with a girl of 8, or even an average sized girl of 6″
If they are so good at grooming parents, how, then, can we ever hope to beat them at their game?
Simple: Be a PARENT! If you’re a parent behaving like a parent, grooming isn’t easy at all and won’t work!
Common sense dictates to most of us that children do not belong in the homes of men alone. Good parents don’t even allow their children (under 16) in homes with kids their own age alone, or to stay in their own home alone – it’s even illegal to do so (under 13 in some states).
I recently posted about women who abuse, so although men pose a greater threat, you shouldn’t be too free with the trust in women who want to spend extra amounts of time with your child, either. Adults hang out with other adults, NOT children. It is a serious red flag when an adult only likes the company of small children. Adults who hang out with other adults on a regular basis abuse, too, but you can’t get any more obvious than adults who constantly choose to mingle among children.
Protecting our children is simpler than pedophiles want you to know, and not as difficult as lazy parents make it out to be.
I know every single thing that my parents could have done to keep me from being abused and put into dangerous situations.
1. My mom left me alone in the car while she shopped.
On one occasion, two men tried to get me out to take me: One man went inside to distract my mom while the other one tried to coax me out with candy. I had heard them talking to each other near the closed window about how to get me out, picking which one would go inside and which one would grab me and hold me down in the backseat of their car while the other one came out of the store to quickly drive away.
Overhearing their conversation was one reason I didn’t open the door, but even if I hadn’t heard their conversation, I wouldn’t because I was afraid of everyone at this point in my life due to the neglect and abuse in my family.
Had my mom not left me in the car alone, I never would have gone through this. Had I been a trusting child, I would have opened the door and never been heard from again.
2. My parents preached that adults are always right and children are always wrong if there was a choice to be made.
Adults deserved respect no matter who they were, and it was never okay to back talk an adult or refuse to do what an adult said. Although I knew the abuse I suffered from adults was wrong and I had the rebellious sense to know my parents were stupid, the blockers set into my brain by those hard driven lessons of acceptable adult dominance made it impossible for me to fight back when I wanted to. My own parents, therefore, groomed me for my abusers.
3. When I came forward with my abuse to my parents, they ignored me and made me feel like it was my fault and my shame.
The pedophiles in my neighborhood knew my parents would behave this way, and they used this in their threats: “Your parents will never believe you…. Your parents will blame you because you weren’t allowed down the street…. Your mother is too uptight to talk about this, so she won’t listen to you…. Your father is always at work and he thinks his other two daughters are tramps and asked for what they got (kidnapping, rape, domestic violence, forced prostitution…)…..”
And because my parents were like this, the pedophiles chose me and other girls on my street with parents like mine as their easy prey. There were 5 of us and we never spoke of it, but we all shared a fear of the same men, which spoke volumes without speaking a word.
4. My siblings were allowed to continue their physical and emotional abuse on me because I was never paid attention to by my parents or any other adult.
They never noticed the bruises and never wanted to hear it when I would try to show them. Each of my siblings tried to kill me in some way, one succeeding when she had me hit by a car. Every time, my siblings had an excuse and my parents let it go, ignoring the warning signs all around them.
Even my teachers ignored it and they saw the clear signs of home abuse that is taught to them to recognize. Neighbors knew it but this was a neighborhood made up of older middle aged catholics who believed in minding your own business, even if it was a child asking for help.
Therefore, predators watching me knew no one would ever notice my abuse, or care if I came forward.
5. I was the 5th child born to a mother who had been through several bouts with depression and psychotic breaks.
She wanted a living baby doll, so she had me. The other four were much older, the oldest being 20 years older than me and the youngest being 10 years older than me.
I never should have been borne to this woman. The doctors tried to get her to abort me. My father refused to allow it because it was a mortal sin by the Vatican’s laws. I wished all my life that I had been aborted. I was unwanted after the new baby luster wore off, and so was forgotten by both of my parents and allowed to become the toy of my siblings and anyone else who fancied a turn with me.
No one deserves a life like that and I seriously doubt any God worth worshipping would prefer that life for a child over a quick death before birth.
If the neglect didn’t let me know I wasn’t wanted, the miscarriage a year or so after my birth did as soon as I found out. It was around the time she started ignoring my needs, when I wasn’t “fun” anymore. I wished I could have had that little brother, but I was grateful later in life that he didn’t live to go through what I did. I even started to envy him.
Neglect led to every bit of my abuse as a child, and the apathy of my parents led to more abuse as I grew older and the emotional and mental difficulties I have suffered because of their mistreatment. It wasn’t at all difficult for predators to groom my parents, whether those predators were after me or after one of my other siblings. The unconscious grooming of me by my own parents set me up before I even walked out my front door. After that, it was easy for pedophiles to coax my parents into having “alone time” with me, even when I begged my parents not to.
So, how easy is it to keep yourself and your children from being groomed by pedophiles?
1. Love your child. I’m being serious. Just because you say you love your child, your actions will tell pedophiles if you actually love them enough to do what it takes to keep them safe and teach them well.
2. Have an open relationship with your child in which he/she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that they can come to you about anything and you will talk with them about it or help them with their problems and fears.
3. When your child comes to you and expresses concern over someone, LISTEN! Take it seriously because each time you brush it off and tell them to get over it or deal with it, you are adding more cement to the barrier inside their mind that will keep them from talking about their abuse later and even from fighting back. Why say anything to anyone when they will be seen as tattle tales, whiners, complainers? Why tell and why fight when mom and dad don’t even care and won’t protect them?
4. Make sure your child has no doubt that you will protect them from anyone trying to hurt them. Don’t make this backfire, though. Children don’t like seeing others hurt, so avoid telling your child you’ll kill anyone who hurts them. They don’t want to be responsible for someone else suffering and they don’t want to be the reason their parent goes to prison for murder. Don’t forget, they watch TV. I tell my daughter that if anyone ever hurt her, I would make certain the police know all about it and the person will never be able to hurt her or any other child again. She likes the police, knows the police help kids, and would never want to see a kid hurt.
5. Don’t instill fear in your children of every adult, especially law enforcement. We’ve all received tickets at some point, and we may not like all the laws. To speak ill of police in front of our children is to show them A. you have no respect for police, the very people who put away child abusers, B. you make them afraid of going to the police when someone hurts them, and C. you strip them of the hope they have that there are adults with the authority to stop their abuse and keep them safe.
Equally, by making your child afraid of every adult by over-dramatizing crime in our world, you, also, make them afraid of the very people who may be able to stand in the way of a predator seeking them out. You need to let your child know that not all people can be trusted and that there are bad people who want to do them harm. In the same breath, you have to reassure them that there are adults who will do anything it takes to keep children safe from anyone wanting to do them harm. Introduce them to people who will protect them and make them feel safe. Show them the good people in the community as you show them the bad. Keep them vigilant but serene.
6. Set boundaries and discipline. This doesn’t mean corporal punishment. It means you set the rules and you enforce them. Let them see you as an authority figure who is capable of domineering the person who may try to dominate them. You are their guardian. From the time they are born, you become their guardian. It is a responsibility you took on when you chose to have that child, so don’t shirk your duty to this helpless little person looking up to you to guide them in life and protect them from bad people.
- Children do not belong in the streets alone.
- Children do not belong in an adults home without you.
- Little girls do not need to be dressed up like teenage rock stars, with make up and mini skirts and a come-hither look they don’t even understand (pedophiles later tell little girls like this it was their fault and use the defense that the child “wanted it” and was “sexually ready” because of the clothes and behavior mommy and daddy allowed).
- Little boys do not need to be raised to believe sex is a joke (it instills embarrassment when they are sexually abused, resulting in fewer boys coming forward than there actually are, leading to further abuse as an adult).
- Children have the right to be taught drugs are bad, regardless of mom or dad’s “habit” (one way abusers get their little victim to comply is by coaxing them to take drugs).
- Children have the right to be taught alcohol is for grown ups only, that alcohol will hurt children and make it easy for them to be hurt (sexual predators use the temptation of alcohol on children who see their parents drink but aren’t allowed any. They also use to their advantage children who are allowed to drink, “Your mom/dad lets you drink, so it’s okay …. [and later after the assault] It’s your fault for drinking and mom and dad won’t be mad at me because they let you drink, too.”).
Children deserve RULES. They deserve LIMITS. They deserve to remain children for as long as they can. We don’t have the right to make them grow up, and we don’t have the right to make them feel being a child is a bad thing. Again, it is a parents responsibliity as guardian to let them stay children for as long as nature has ruled it to be, keeping them safe from people and elements who would take all that away.
7. A parent’s responsibility is to their child above all else. No thing and no one is ever going to be more important or have more say than a child in a parent’s life. Once this is established in the home and in the mind of your child, passing predators will get the message and move on.
(Introductions: My Story and The Follow Up)
- There are 13 questions and this is a long post. Get comfortable or come back later. This will still be here. -
In January of this year, I was sent a series of questions by someone attempting to understand the pedophile mind and the affect pedophilia, molestation, and rape has on the victim. These are the questions and my in-depth answers.
I am not a doctor. I am not a scientist. I am not a psychologist or law enforcement agent. I am a survivor and I speak from the experience and knowledge I earned from the years of being a victim of sexual abuse.
QUESTION 1: do we (science) know as much about the human mind as we think? is there a higher reasoning at work we do not understand?
ANSWER: The short answer – No. Not even close. The long answer, also, addresses what you mentioned at the end of your message [on spirituality and the existence of the soul].
I believe the human mind is as complex as it is because of the existence of the soul (though spirituality does not have to involve religion as the “soul” can mean any kind of higher consciousness – in my opinion). I believe that without the soul, the human mind would be as simple as that of a primate. In that respect, we would not be inclined nor expected to behave any better than monkeys. It is the presence of the soul that makes us aware of why biology is what it is.
[There was a debate this person and I had been part of in which a pedophile was trying to compare humans to primates, stating that sex with children is natural because even monkeys do it.]
Do Tigers question why they are the only cat that adores water? Even to the point of preferring water as their hunting ground? No. They just do it. They are what they are and do not question. Baboons and Koala’s do not question why the males rape in order to breed. It is what it is. There is the programming in the Tiger that says: “Live this way and hunt like this or you will die and your species will die. ” There is the programming in the Baboon that says: “Breed this way or your species will cease to exist.”
Introduce a higher consciousness (be it the soul as spiritual people see it or a higher intelligence the way non-believers see it) and the Tiger would ponder: “Why do I like water? Why am I such a good hunter in the water? What if I don’t want to like water? The oxen in the river would feed my entire family but killing that little antelope in the grass 10 feet away is so much easier.” The Baboon females would say to the sexually aggressive males: “No! You have no right hurting us like this!”
Higher consciousness allows us to deduce what is best not only for the species but to understand the harm we cause others so that we may work out better ways of doing what it takes in order to preserve the species in a “humane” or “civilized” way.
The Tiger would weigh his options and choose either the unselfish route that takes a bit more work, or the lazy route that only ensures his own survival. The male Baboons would suddenly understand what they do causes pain and suffering, then they would either choose to selfishly, barbarically continue raping or work out a better way of having sexual encounters to remove the violence from the need to continue the species.
Without a higher enlightenment provided to us by an entity/state of mind we call “the soul” or some other form of cognitive ability only humans possess, we would still be as prehistoric man. The human mind combined with this higher consciousness is a complex machine Science won’t be able to understand if it ignores anything outside of what it sees through the microscope’s lens.
QUESTION 2: should we trust science will always know to do the right thing?
ANSWER: “Always” expects too much of anyone. Science continues to grow due to trial and error; therefore, Science does not always know to do the right thing.
QUESTION 3: is harm a messurable entity or is it something far more complex than our current understanding is able to grasp?
ANSWER: “Harm” is a negative result to a negative action. It isn’t so difficult. Now, what people claim as harm can differ when point of view, opinion and emotions are introduced.
A cut to the hand is obvious harm.
A man telling his wife of 3 years he’s been having an affair harms his wife on an emotional and mental level; however, his girlfriend is elated he came clean and he will finally be hers. She is the only one who comes out unharmed (until he cheats on her, too).
A person who commits a crime like theft will swear no one was harmed, but we know the harm comes from the victim of the theft, who has had their sense of security damaged either in a short term or for the rest of their lives, depending upon the aspects of the theft and their mental stability at the time of the crime.
QUESTION 4: are prepubescent children at even young ages inclined to be sexual without any artificial external influences of the adults and the world that they are exposed to?
ANSWER: This answer has aspects buried within aspects.
Even when we don’t think a child has ever been exposed to anything sexual, how are we to know they didn’t witness the neighbor’s dogs getting it on, or see the latest Axe commercial, or hear an explicit joke on the radio? To answer your question honestly, it would have to be tested with children in a controlled environment where everything they see and hear are void of any sexual content.
The best way, then, that I can answer this is by exposing more of my story to you, and more of myself.
Before I was molested at 6, I don’t recall ever seeing anything sexual. However, my parents and siblings used to watch shows on TV that were embracing the new sexual freedoms in broadcasting. CHiPs, Hawaii Five-O, .. your average ’70′s shows. Also, my youngest sister was abducted when I was 4 (she was 14). I remember hearing about the drugs, the FBI coming to our house many times because, as I overheard, her abduction was part of a sexual exploitation ring kidnapping young girls in forced prostitution and porn.
I remember the calls threatening my parents to stop looking for her or she would be chopped into little pieces. Since my dad refused to stop, they returned her (or rather, my oldest sister had her returned because the FBI was closing in on the proof she was involved).
I didn’t understand what those things meant, but I remember somehow knowing in my mind that the word “sex” was something very private and not something I should be hearing about. I don’t know why it is but I remember distinctly somehow knowing the subject of sex was serious and .. I don’t want to say embarrassing, but the feeling I had made me blush profusely even though I had no idea what “sex” was. I even felt that saying the word was not a nice thing for a child, and I didn’t dare say it.
Sometime at the end of kindergarten after I turned 6, my sisters brought me to buy a swimsuit. My dad expressly told them not to buy me something that showed too much. He was very strict and would have preferred I not wear a swimsuit at all, but rather regular clothes. The youngest sister bought me a bikini – red and white striped with a little gold anchor on the top. My other sister told her they would get into trouble, but my other sister – who has always controlled people – told her she was getting it anyway.
At some point, the youngest sister dressed me in the bikini and sent me to the child molester’s house. Up until then, he had only seen me in passing and taken photos of me with his Polaroid camera (a child pornographer’s best friend) while I was outside playing. Her reason to me was that he liked seeing kids in new clothes … or something like that.
I got this sick feeling in my stomach, but I believed she wouldn’t be doing something to hurt me so I went. He took a lot of photos of me and I remember he told me to pull the back down. I didn’t do it. I felt sick again and said I had to go because I wasn’t supposed to be out of the house. I ran home and sat in my closet with my stuffed animals – my safe haven when my family hurt me and I needed a place to hide so they wouldn’t see me cry.
Sometime soon after that, my sister told my mom I was bothering her and she couldn’t get her homework done. She told my mom to send me to the man’s house so he could watch me. My mom, forever doing what they told her to do to save her from having to do actual parenting of a child she never wanted, brought me to the man’s house, asked him to watch me for a couple of hours, and then left.
I remember sitting in his lap watching cartoons. Remember what I said about knowing about the existence of “sex” but afraid of speaking of it? Well, one time I did ask my mom. I remember asking her what the birds and the bees were because I’d heard that term on some show, like Leave It To Beaver or something. She gave me some literal thing about the birds being in the trees and the bees buzzing. Then recited that little sonnet: The birds and the bees, the flowers and the trees …..” I said, “No, the real birds and the bees. What does it mean?” She said she’d tell me when I was older and told me not to talk about that again. That thing inside me, instinct?, had told me there was something to that but I didn’t know what. So, when it came to asking about it, I knew my family wasn’t the way to go if I wanted the answer. (I was an easy target in so many ways. This is why I tell people: Answer your child or someone else will!)
I looked down at the man’s lap and saw the bulge in his pants. I knew it was something different than I had. I had seen the same bulge in my dad’s pants and my brother’s, but was always too afraid to ask them about it. Something in my mind told me it was very private and I would be severely punished for asking. Well, I sat there for a few long minutes wanting so badly to have the answer but not sure if I should ask this man.
Nothing at all SEXUAL was going through my mind. I was purely curious. That’s it. It is in our nature to be curious as it is part of evolution to grow intellectually. It could have been a handkerchief for all I knew, like my dad always carried, or a wallet or anything not actually connected to him. I didn’t know but wanted to know, couldn’t ask my family because I was always treated as a bother, and so I asked him to appease my curiosity.
I finally got up the nerve, took a deep breath, then asked, “What’s that?”
His response was to call me a dirty little girl, then he told me to touch it and find out. His insult stung so much I wanted to run home and cry. I was also scared to death, realizing by his response that I’d done something terribly wrong. (It was him for doing something wrong, but I didn’t know that at the time and I guarantee you that if my parents knew I’d said that, I would have been beaten and told it was all my fault).
He wouldn’t let me off of his lap when I tried to get down. He told me that I asked so I had to stay for the answer. I refused to touch it or look at it and looked to the TV instead. I don’t know if he made me touch it or not. I have blacked out a lot of what took place with him all the times he molested me. I know his hand went between my legs and no matter how hard I fought, he wouldn’t stop.
My mom came to get me soon after. Before he went to the door, he turned me to face him and told me it was our secret, that if I told anyone, they would be angry with me because I was the one who made him do what he did, that it was me who wanted it, that it was me who flirted and teased him and made him do it.
I don’t remember what happened after I left. I don’t remember if I cried or hid in my closet or what I did. I don’t remember how many more times it happened but I know it was quite a few and enough to last until the next school year.
The other siblings started to get in on the act, too. Anytime I would annoy them, they would tell my mom to send me to his house. I know they knew what they were doing because of the way they snickered when they saw me walk out the door and the way they looked at me, like they were teaching me a lesson.
I don’t know what exactly took place because I have blacked out so much. From what I learned later, though, about what he did to other kids in the neighborhood, there is a good chance it was worse than I remember.
I do remember one time just before I told my parents that his wife, who was always asleep down the hall from his TV room, suddenly came into the adjoining dining area. He had just slid his hand between my legs and was unfastening his belt. He jumped when he saw her and quickly pushed me off. In that instant, I knew he was lying about it being my fault and that no one would say he was doing something wrong. He was afraid and that was what I needed to later tell my parents.
Did I enjoy what was happening? NO! Not once! Did I ever think of it being sex? I still had no idea what sex was, so no.
QUESTION 5: should society teach children or anyone that sex is wrong or harmful to them?
ANSWER: “It takes a village to raise a child”
If society wishes for child abuse to stop, society needs to take some responsibility in helping children to understand no adult has the right to touch them sexually or make them do anything to their bodies or to another’s body, including being nude in front of anyone. Children should be made aware there are people who do sexual things with children, and this is wrong. That it is not acceptable in our civilized society, that it is disrespectful of them for an adult to take advantage of them, and that they are too special to be forced to do anything they don’t want to do.
My daughter wants to be a Veterinarian and/or Marine biologist (a vet for marine life, actually). She is 8. She has had a medical journal since she was 6 that is her favorite book. It has full color diagrams of the human body – male and female, including sex organs (inner and outer) in the corresponding chapters. She asked about those pages and I was 100% honest with her.
What I did notice right away, though, was that as soon as she came to the pages, she blushed and flipped to the next page really quickly. She went back to it after we went through the rest of the book and I explained each page and read about the items she was seeing (heart, lungs, lacerations, hearing aids … ).
As soon as I talked candidly about it with her, albeit not as graphic as if she were 16, she nodded her head in understanding, then quickly turned from the page again. Until this point, she had never seen sex organs of anything or anyone, nor had she been exposed to anything remotely to do with sex. However, she knew right away that what she was looking at was something private and not something shared with just anyone. That blush and knee-jerk reaction of turning away was not taught to her. It was a natural instinct. This coupled with my own memories at that age leads me to believe our own human minds (either alone or in correlation with the “soul”) do not permit us to accept sexuality until our bodies are ready for breeding purposes – which would be after the menstrual cycle.
No, we should not teach our children sex is wrong. This is proven to lead to sexual problems in adulthood. We teach them that touching of our private areas by adults is wrong. We teach them that no matter what any adult says, it is wrong to be touched in our personal areas, photographed naked, or to be told to touch anyone else on their private areas. And we instruct our children to tell someone if anyone tries this or does this.
We should raise our children to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are never in the wrong for any action an adult does to them or makes them do, and we should raise them to feel safe enough to come to us with any concern or question. That only we, their parents, have the authority to discuss private issues with them.
Of course, this would be a horrible thing if the scenario of abuse involves the parent him/herself. This is when the role of society speaking openly about child sexual abuse is so crucial. If the abuser is a parent, the only way a child will learn the truth and feel safe to talk to someone about it is if they see this discussed on TV, talked about in school, hear of it through PSA’s on the radio.
Society cannot hope for a better world if society turns its back on the current problems.
[The asker added the word "anyone" in this. I'm not sure what he wanted at that point, so I only addressed the child issue.]
QUESTION 6: does a society that teaches such idology doing more harm than good?
ANSWER: See answer to #5.
QUESTION 7: is AOC in its current state of inconsistancy helping those who are affected by those laws in a way that is always just and sincere?
ANSWER: I don’t think its current state in conjunction with the SOR is good at all. I’ll be brutally honest with you. Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not falling for the pedo propaganda about innocent 18 year olds being on the list for sex with 16 year olds. Yes, it does happen and that is what I am about to address; however, it isn’t as rampant as the pedos and pedo sympathizers would have people believe.
Still, I think putting 18 year olds on the list for sleeping with 16 year olds has done that registry a hell of a lot of damage. It is in no way the same as a 28 year old wooing a gullible 16 year old into bed. Or an 18 year old having his/her way with a 6 year old. The 18 year old is still just as much a teenager as the 16 year old, only facing the real world with bills and responsibilities 2 years sooner.
I believe in the case of an 18 year old/16 year old sexual incident, there absolutely should be charges pressed by the parents. I just don’t believe in putting said 18 year old on the Sex Offender Registry. It lessens the value of the SOR and diminishes the serioiusness of real sex offenses (i.e. child rape, adult rape, molestation, child porn). This, of course, all depends upon how the sex occured. Did the 16 year old agree or was forced? And force can, indeed, include coercion. If not than there is no sense in including the SOR as a punishment.
I think in today’s society, we need the AOC laws to protect these young people from the deviants whose numbers have increased dramatically in the last 30 or so years. Back in 1940, having 14 as an AOC wouldn’t have been the kind of problem as it would be now. Why? Because back in 1940, very few grown men would openly pursue a 14 year old girl. They would feel not only shame but humiliation at being seen to go after easily persuaded young girls rather than adult women who might turn them down. As if they weren’t man enough for a real woman. (Another benefit of society involvement.)
I’m not at all saying sexual abuse of young teens didn’t occur back then. Only that this discussion over the AOC wouldn’t have even been broached at that time because everyone knew and agreed that an adult male having sexual relations with a young teen girl was diplorable. Such abuse was hidden and the abusers didn’t dare abuse as often as they do now because the fear was far greater back then of what would happen should they be caught.
Then there came the infamous coupling of Jerry Lee Lewis with his 13 year old cousin, followed by Elvis’ 14 year old love interest. People were outraged at first, but as Hollywood and celebrities started to take over our otherwise common sense, this behavior was soon forgotten and the rest is history. In my opinion, it was at this moment in our history when society started ignoring men’s interest in young teens, opening the door for our current issues with hebephilia and men who openly prey upon vulnerable teen victims.
These predators no longer care what society thinks as long as they get off. Even with the AOC laws being what they are today, there has been a steady increase in grown men targeting 12, 13, 14, 15 year old girls. And they do so right out in the open, some even singing about it as celebrity musicians or joking about it as comedians.
We, also, see the 12, 13, 14, 15 year olds eating up the attention. This is primarily because the family structure we are faced with today is so broken down and practically non-existent, grooming these kids to believe these adults really love them isn’t hard at all. I’ve even seen a 13 year old girl write that she knew the thirty something year old man didn’t really love her and she didn’t want to sleep with him, but at least someone was paying attention to her and telling her she was smart, beautiful, and made her feel wanted … unlike her parents who were always working or out of town. It’s girls like this who need to be protected from predators seeking them out. The AOC laws do just that.
But yes, I think they go too far when they treat it as black and white when both people are teenagers only a couple of years apart.
ACCEPTION!: This opinion of mine only pertains to the younger teen actually wanting the interaction. One of the ways I was able to get that boyfriend of mine to leave me alone was by reminding him of the sexual abuse that occurred after he reached 18 and I was still 16. AOC in Louisiana, where I am from, was 17 at the time. That was one of the reasons he tried to drown me and then finally left me alone.
The fear of being charged with statutory rape kept a lot of my friends safe. All the kids would talk about it, and all the girls knew the boys were afraid of going to jail because of it. It made us feel safe.
Then, however, came the rise of date rape as Feminist organizations came under fire by Men’s groups, claiming girls were abusing the laws that permitted them to say, “No,” and dress how they wished with the expectation of a boy not assuming a short skirt meant she was automatically a whore. Girls were then the ones afraid of coming forward, and date rape rose once again. Every time there is a law to protect kids, the perpetrators find a new way to put them back in their place – which is beneath them.
QUESTION 8: is every sexual contact between an adult and child going to result in psychological damage, no matter how slight even when a child is only days before passing the AOC thershold?
ANSWER: Since we cannot interview every single victim and survivor of child sexual abuse (and every single purposeful sexual advance toward a child is sexual abuse), we cannot factually answer that question. We can only comment regarding our personal experiences as well as people we have spoken to who are victims or survivors. I have yet to meet anyone who had sexual contact with an adult as a child who did not suffer some form of negative repercussion.
You say “no matter how slight.” If it’s on purpose, it makes no difference. Sexual contact is sexual contact, and one of the methods pedophiles use to groom children before further sexual abuse is by such slight touches, occurring sparingly as to not raise suspicion. Purposeful touching and accidental touching are different and can be separated by the future actions of the adult. Simply put, if it was an accident, it will never happen again.
I remember being tickled by one of my brother’s friends before the molestation by the neighbor. He accidentally brushed his hand over my privates as he was reaching to lift me and toss me playfully onto the sofa. As soon as it happened, he stopped and didn’t play with me like that again.
His hand was only there for a brief second, and it was just the side of his hand. Still, I remember the feeling I had that made my stomach tighten and I was afraid until I saw the embarrassment on his reddened face and his refusal to ever again tickle me or rough house with me.
Later, when that other man molested me, one of the things he would say to me was, “Does that tickle? I bet that feels good. That’s why you like to be tickled. You’re a dirty girl and you like to be tickled.” It was quite clear to me at that point there was a distinct difference in what my brother’s friend did and what this sick jerk was doing.
And by the way, the Tickle Me Elmo doll? I want to burn every one of the fuckers and beat the living hell out of the inventor and every parent who gives one to their child! Psychological Damage 101. I was, also, molested while Charlie Brown commercials are on, so I get sick to my stomach and weak when I hear the music or see the cartoon – which is why my daughter has never seen it and probably never will for fear she will like it and want me to watch it with her. They are called “triggers” and are the best proof of psychological damage there is.
Because of the molestation, I started wetting my bed and didn’t stop until I was 12. After 12, I would have the occasional accident but at least it stopped being on a regular, nightly basis.
I remember in 2nd grade they handed out forms for us to give our parents. It was from the police department and listed signs to watch for in your child to see if they are being sexually abused. This is when I learned molestation was sex, and on the list was bed wetting among sudden weight gain and some other things that were dead on descriptive of what I was going through. I hid it in my bookbag and threw it away when I could do so unnoticed. I didn’t want to show my parents because I didn’t want them to be angry with me again. They already let me know they didn’t care and that they didn’t believe he did anything wrong. I still had that corner inside my closet and after I ditched the letter, I sat there with the door closed and cried until I fell asleep in my stuffed animals.
After the other man started on me at 13, what had slacked off to once in a while wetting the bed started being at least a couple of times a week. It didn’t stop through high school, especially after the boyfriend started assaulting me. I finally trained myself to stay up very late at night. I would get at the most 4 hours of sleep, which my body learned to adjust to to the point I was just as alert as anyone who had 8 hours of sleep.
What I didn’t realize at the time, however, is that my “alertness” and well-known characteristic of always smiling and laughing as well as the constant need for adrenaline (street racing, of which I was not only the only girl racer but also undefeated) was, in actuality, sleep deprived high. I was not as aware as I thought I was, which is why I let the wrong people in and didn’t discriminate when it came to choosing friends. Not racially but safety wise. I never did drugs, drank, went to wild parties, snuck out …. I did, however, allow very dangerous individuals into my life, which could have turned out very, very badly.
I have said that my guardian angel deserves overtime for keeping me alive, to which non-believers have questioned why I, of all people, could believe in a guardian angel after all that has happened to me. I don’t know, to be honest. I just know that I have felt a presence in times when I was supposed to have died. I felt a distinct hand on my back gently tilting me back to the ground when I almost went over the edge of a high rise. No one else was anywhere around me. I heard voices giving me a choice of staying or leaving when I did die after my sister had me hit by the car. I felt air being pumped into my lungs when my boyfriend tried to drown me, and heard a soothing voice lulling me to relax. I’d never held my breath for over 3 minutes before, but there it was and I wasn’t holding my breath. I was somehow breathing.
I don’t know what any of that means. Why my life was protected but I was allowed to suffer. I’ve exhausted every angle I can think of for the answer. I just don’t know – yet. I know I will eventually, so I just have to let that go for now.
You say “days before passing the AOC threshold.” I think that is taking it a bit too literally, which may be your purpose to see my reaction.
Our bodies and minds do not work on a generic timeline set upon us by any man-made system that expects everyone to be a carbon copy of their ideals. A girl who is 16 years, 11 months, and 25 days old is not going to feel any differently about a sexual encounter that takes place on her 17th birthday.
Now, if you want to expand that a bit and compare a 14 year old to a 16 year old, that would be better.
At 14, puberty is still new. We are still working out the awkwardness of body changes and hormonal changes. Too many people try to make it seem that puberty is a green light for sex, that Nature, herself, is saying, “Let’s Go!” Wrong! Puberty is merely the first step in the body’s new sexual development. There still has to be a gelling of the mind with the body, as well as the further development of the newest additions and changes to the body.
At 16, we are better adjusted though not yet prepared for the predators out there waiting to take advantage. We are highly rebellious because our bodies and minds are ready to leave the nest but are forced to stay because our “civilized” society is built on money and politics and things we haven’t learned enough about yet to make it on our own. However, sexually, our bodies are now ready because it is our biology to produce and continue the species.
I won’t lie. I firmly believe that holding back the body’s natural need to have sex when it is ready can be damaging. However, our biology does not see the dangers in the predators. It only sees the task Nature has set forth. It is the higher consciousness, again, that tells us we must hold back. That we are not beasts with no other purpose than to eat, shit, sleep, and procreate. So we are at a point where even though it is very much a natural thing to have sex at 16, we are fully aware that sex is no longer seen as a tool to species survival. Rather it has become a source for base pleasure and is now used as a tool for dominance and exerting anger and violence.
Our higher consciousness then becomes a target for those who choose to ignore that species survival instinct and have chosen to grab the easy target antelope instead (from Question 1). They rip apart those they accuse of being “morality police” because they are determined not to lose their easy prey. Until these predators are stopped, we must continue to protect those they prey upon.
I feel this is changing our evolutionary process as we speak. In what direction, I don’t know. I am afraid it won’t be a healthy one, but that won’t stop me from protecting the antelope from the tiger.
QUESTION 9: should we expect that certain situations are going to need special consideration within the justice system?
ANSWER: You have to be more specific as to what situations you are referring.
I believe there is a cut and dry, black and white scale that says absolutely no sexual contact with children. I, also, believe there are not so black and white situations in regards to teens – as I’ve demonstrated in my previous answers.
Do I feel all child molesters deserve equal punishment? Not initially, no. It would depend upon why they did what they did and the extent of what they did.
Take an 11 year old who is caught fondling a 4 year old. That 11 year old is just as much a victim because he/she learned it from somewhere. You can’t charge a minor child abuser the same as an adult one.
I think the first arrest of a child abuser – as long as previous abuses are not evident – should be handled with accompanying therapy to pinpoint exactly what is in the person’s mind to determine why they did what they did. Yes, they lie but we can’t deny there are those who wish not to hurt children and would rather die before they strike again.
Now, repeat offenders don’t deserve any benefit of the doubt. Let them cry and blubber until they are blue in the face. They won’t convince me and they shouldn’t be allowed to convince anyone else. They’re crying because they don’t want to be fresh meet in the prison yard again.
QUESTION10: are peophiles really monsters or do they need our help?
ANSWER: They know right from wrong. They choose to hurt children. If this isn’t a monster, tell me what is.
Do they need our help? I believe there are those who honestly want it. They are so messed up from things that have happened to them that they perhaps cannot handle it well and respond in destructive and self-destructive ways. You can tell who deserves the help by how sincere they are at stopping their behavior.
Then you have those who adamantly refuse to hear it is wrong at all – like Lindsay Ashford . Do people like him deserve our help? No. No one who knows full well the suffering they are delivering onto a defenseless child and defends their right to do so deserves our help. They deserve prison for life without the possibility of parole. Do they NEED our help? Oh, they need help. The problem is, nothing will work on offenders like that because they will never admit they are in the wrong and they will never let go of what gets them off so nicely.
QUESTION 11: are we doing the potential victims of the pedophile justice by not doing the needed reaserch required to find out what causes them to be the way they are, so we may intervene before they act on their attractions?
ANSWER: Depends on what kind of research to which you are referring.
Research involving children, like Kinsey’s supposed “research”? NO! That is just pure evil, wickedness, a body void of any conscience or soul or heart of any kind.
Research involving interviews with sex offenders and victims/survivors, yes. That needs to be done.
We most definitely need to find out why these people do what they do so we can stop them from harming other children. We cannot just pick up the pitchforks and burn them without question. We do need research but only as long as it does no further damage to any other children and does not focus on the offender as being a “victim”. Victimizing the offender merely excuses their behavior, and we cannot allow this or we open up a bigger can of worms for the courts and for the children who deserve to see justice else we raise more cynics in an already overly cynical world.
Children deserve hope. They deserve justice. They deserve to see their abuser punished. Believe me when I say to you that seeing your abuser defended and living free while you are punished for speaking out does more damage than even the abuse.
QUESTION 12: are we doing enough to counter the efforts of organized pedophilia and thier symathizers to change public opinion regarding “adult/child” sex?
ANSWER: Hell no. Volunteers are, yes, but society as a whole? No.
We hear all about Brangelina’s new kids, about Tom Cruise’s weirdness, Gucci and Louis Vaton, trillion dollar deficits, OPEC and victims of terrorism abroad.
What we don’t see are PSAs about child sexual abuse.
What we don’t see in the media and popular magazines are celebrities foregoing self-promotion and paid advertisements to speak out against child abuse.
What we don’t see are politicians adding a promise to spend more money on combating child abuse rather than improving roads and public toilets.
Did you know Obama’s daughters were featured on Girl Chat and other pedophile websites? Did you know that even after his people threatened to sue the sites and the sites pulled the images, the images went right back up and Obama didn’t do anything since? Did you once hear Obama say anything on his campaign trail about this or any plan to tackle the child abuse, child porn, pedophile problems? Did you know Obama’s first choice for Deputy Attorney General is a pedophile lawyer, child porn rights lawyer?
I’m not singling him out to reflect my political views. I am using him as an example that politicians don’t give a shit, and if they don’t care, how can we win? The only choice we have is to MAKE them say something. We have to hit the pavement more with fliers on windshields, hitting up DJ’s to discuss it on morning shows, writing to talk show hosts to talk about it, calling out celebrities for ignoring it.
Ricky Martin has a foundation where he sees the rescue of teens and children being sold into prostitution and sex slavery. All we hear about Ricky Martin in the news and on channels like MTV are questions about his sexuality. If not for Oprah Winfrey’s own child abuse awareness cause and her partnership with Ricky Martin, I never would have known about his fight. And still, have you even heard of her cause? In the eyes of Hollywood and the MSM, it isn’t news worthy, so we don’t hear of it.
It’s damned time we let them know it is newsworthy and more important than who the hell wore what at the Oscars or got married to who after sleeping with so-and-so’s brother’s cousin’s aunt’s uncle’s barber!
QUESTION 13: is there some truth to the idea that societal views are the only thing that makes this behaior harmful?
ANSWER: You’re asking the right person. Why? Because I was raised in a family where such discussions were never to occur. If not for what I saw on common place sexually charged 70′s shows, I wouldn’t have heard of it at all (until it happened to me, at which time I didn’t realize that was foreplay).
On those 70′s shows, it was the normal thing to do. And yet, I KNEW in my heart, my mind, my higher consciousness that what the man who molested me was doing was wrong. Society had not a damned thing to do with my feelings. My instinct told me he was behaving inappropriately to me, taking advantage of me, doing things to me he had no right to do, even when my own parents made me feel they didn’t care.
Blaming society’s intolerance is a pedo ploy that only works on those never affected by child sexual abuse. It is a grooming tactic that disgustingly has worked in many cases.
This is the end of the questions. At the time, I answered them in parts because I didn’t have time to answer them all at once. In the meantime, the sender would respond to some of my remarks as if he agreed but felt child abusers deserved more compassion than I was willing to give.
I say again as I said in my previous post, I was not then and I am not now 100% convinced he was not a pedophile looking to corrupt me or get me to admit something to show I could be manipulated. After my last answer, he never wrote to me again. As a matter of fact, the account he used to contact me was closed soon after.
Regardless of his reason behind his questions, this presented me with a perfect opportunity to delve deeply into just what makes me do this work and stick with it day after day, even when I feel drained and emotionally weak from the horrors I see happening and I remember from my past.
I know many had worse childhood abuse than me, like my niece and nephew. The varying forms of abuse I survived, however, did present me with a unique insight that has helped me help others – victims, survivors, parents, and law enforcement. I’m not going to say I see this as a silver lining. I would have much prefered not being sexually abused than being an advocate with first hand helpful knowledge. Since there is no changing the past, I may as well let it work for some good. What better way than to destroy child abusers with the tools they, themselves, gave me? Poetic justice and all that.